should i even try?
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| Wed, 05-10-2006 - 7:05pm |
i have sort of been seeing this guy for a few weeks. at first i thought he was hot, and so i flirted with him. then i realized he was also a really cool person with essentially the same interests as me, as well as the same views on a lot of things, and he and i actually could debate about almost anything. then he kissed me at a party two weeks ago and it was wow amazing and we wound up making out for like 4 hours...i am not usually into pda but i couldnt not kiss him! we hung out again on friday and saturday till 4 in the morning even though he had to work double shifts both of the next days...i didnt think he was going to call me again (ill get to why in a second) but he did last night just to say hes been busy but he didnt forget about me. he is supposed to go to a party with me tonight.
here is the problem though: he is supposed to be moving three hours away next week. i dont do long distance, but i really like him and dont want to stop seeing him. he was supposed to leave today but when i talked to him last night, he hinted that he may not be leaving for a while...because of some potential job or something. i dont know. so right now thats all up in the air. another small thing is that he just turned 20 and i will be 22 soon. i have never dated anyone younger than me, so im a little bit unsure about that. i dont want to get all attached only to have him move away. but i also dont want to miss out on the chance to get to know this really awesome guy either. what should i do?

If you think there's relationship potential, then why not see where it goes? How flexible are these rules you have about not "doing" long distance relationships and dating "younger" men? At present, it sounds like what you have with this guy is infatuation and physical chemistry, which cannot be the basis of a long lasting relationship. If you think he's worth the time and work (and inconvenience if you'll get into a long distance situation) of developing a relationship based on trust and communication, then I don't see why you don't go for it.
My boyfriend and I live 300 miles apart and this is the first long distance relationship for both of us. We had a week to get to know each other and then he came to visit me a couple of weeks later. Based on the time we spent together, we decided that we liked each other enough to make the long drives and talk everyday on the phone. I was a little wary at first but I liked him and didn't want to just let him get away. So far, it's been completely worth it and I'm glad I put my fears aside.
One thing we did as we embarked on this relationship was to have a conversation about each other's expectations and what would be involved in maintaining this long distance relationship. I realize that communication is critical when you're dating someone you see only sporadically. Before I invested myself in this person I wanted to know if he'd get restless and want to date other people if we didn't see each other for weeks at a time. Would he also commit himself to talking as often as possible, even when things got busy? If you want a relationship with this person, have this conversation and insist on his being honest, otherwise, what would be the point?
I always have to laugh when people think that a 3 hour drive from their boyfriend/girlfriend is undoable. My fiance and I lived in different countries, we had to take an expensive seven to eight hour flight (depending on direction) in order to see each other. And we made it work.
I'm not underminding the fact that a 3 hour drive away would still be tough but if you really care for each other and you both want to make it work, it is definitely doable. But it's still up in the air so maybe you won't even have to worry about it.
As for the age difference, if it hasn't effected your relationship so far then why worry about it? IF it becomes a problem, then address it.
Genealogical Musings
I think you should get to know this guy. I will admit I was like you when I met my SO. 4 hrs was too much. Not for him he would be here every chance he got. Heck he even came down every weekend for a month. I would go to on some trips and we did the back and forth. When school was out then he’d come down and spend a week with me or I’d take a week’s vacation and go down and spend it with him. We are now at a year (this weekend) and the 4 hrs. Drive is a 45 min plane ride, 6 hr train, and 5 hr bus. I have used them all as means to be with him because when it is right those hours fly by and the time apart is not really like being apart because for me it is like were a normal couple who has plans to see each other every weekend or every other weekend and we both have personal lives to contend with and so that fits our schedule. SO go ahead give it a chance.