Should I just wait??

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2004
Should I just wait??
Sat, 01-02-2010 - 2:31pm

My ex-b/f and I broke up at the end of October. He was the one who did it but I soon realized it was probably for the best b/c we lived 1000 miles away from each other.

As a couple I rarely had any complaints. We got along really well, he said to me one time that we just get each other and I was like yes it's true, we could joke around about pretty much everything. Only things I could complain about were b/c of the distance. There were some important things that I needed to talk to him about but I wanted to wait until I saw him again to tell him but it was starting to eat at me so I told him and I felt as though in retrospect that I said those things without really realizing how I was saying them. They made him uncomfortable and even though he said it was fine I know he felt odd talking to me about those things again. It was mainly having to do with sex stuff.

We met at a summer camp where we were away from our homes. I was 11 hours away and he was 7 hours away. At the beginning of camp he broke up with his g/f of almost a year. We had been talking since the beginning as friends but he soon started to be more flirty like with me which then is when he broke up with her.

A few weeks later we started going out. Our relationship at camp lasted a little over a month. When he went back home he was feeling very sad about everything b/c well who knew what would happen to us considering that we lived so far from each other and he was a recent graduate and was looking for a new stable job. He had been looking to move down to live near me while we were at camp and he continued to look there and everywhere really.

He came to visit me and it was pretty much amazing. My parents met him and they really liked him. I had met his parents while at camp and it seemed to go well.

His job searching was coming up fruitless so he decided to go to his college town out of the blue without telling anyone even me. I thought it was odd and I worried at first b/c ex lived there. Though while at camp when we began going out he assured me that their relationship had ended long ago. He said he went there b/c he had always been able to find a job even if it were temporary it could help him for now. So yes he found a job almost immediately after going there. He was living with his old college roommate for the time being.

After about a month or so he started to say he was feeling really down b/c he wasn't doing what he wanted to do plus some people were making him feel uncomfortable there. He said he just wanted to leave and go back to his home. I felt as though there was something he wasn't telling me and I told him that but he just said it was just the fact he couldn't find a stable job that was bringing him down. He soon quit and just went back home. After a couple of weeks I went to go visit him for his b-day and things were off between us. We had a long talk one night and he was just really depressed about how things were turning out b/c he was worried he couldn't be there for me. I tried to keep positive and that we could work on this distance thing and that he didn't need to worry that I was sure he would find a good job soon. After I left things still weren't right and a couple of weeks later he broke up with me saying that he still had feelings for me and really cared for me but that he didn't see this going anywhere b/c of the circumstances.

I was hurt though not as bad as I thought I should feel. I realized it's true that it wouldn't work in the long run. I'm still in school here and won't finish completely with my second degree for another two years. I want to move to Boston when I'm done to go to grad school and he has no idea where he's going to be. I tried to find solace in that and I felt somewhat better. I still thought about him every day.

During halloween he went down to his college to visit friends including his ex and I immediately thought he had gotten back together with her b/c of the pictures he had put up on facebook. But it wasn't anything significant. Not sure why but I always felt something about his ex.

He had been asking our mutual friends about me and how I was doing. And sometimes he would bring up things with me from our relationship that he thought was funny even though I had told him to please leave me alone for a while after he broke up with me b/c I knew it would be confusing if we kept talking.

After a couple of weeks I thought I was ok to talk to him so I brought something up that had happened to me that I thought he would think was funny. We talked for a bit and then it got awkward b/c I started to realize I couldn't do it yet.

One of our friends wanted us to come visit during the holidays and she had talked to him previously about it and he said he couldn't go at the same time as me b/c he knew it would just be awkward. I tried talking to him about it and he said it could be fun to go but he wasn't making any promises. I soon realized I couldn't go b/c one I had barely any money and two b/c I still had strong feelings for him.

We didn't speak for a month or so and then on facebook out of nowhere I saw that he hadn't back together with his ex. I was in complete shock and then my heart literally hurt. I felt horrible and it was worse than the initial break up. This was on x-mas that I saw this. I had posted pictures up from my x-mas and so did he. He started commenting on one of mine b/c it was almost exactly like one of his. Then we started talking after that though we didn't talk about relationships or anything like that. Meanwhile I was feeling horrible over here. After about 3 days he broke up with her. After snooping her profile I soon realized that during the time we had been together she had been trying to break us up. While he had gone to the college town to live for the month; he was there as well as during halloween; and he had gone to the town before x-mas to visit his friends; she had done anything to get him back. Many pictures to prove it. After they broke up they stopped being friends and she deleted all of the pictures of him and her. I felt a lot better about things of course my heart didn't hurt anymore. I don't know what I was expecting for him to ask me to be with him again or what.

We have been playing this game on there together and on new year's eve he sent me a gift that was an inside joke for us. Something that he said always reminded him of me while he was away just b/c what had happened while he was visiting me. I know even though this is pretty miniscule and just an online game thing I felt like it was just him showing me that he still thinks about me. We haven't spoken in the past few days and I'm not sure what to do here. I know the circumstances are still there with the distance thing and the only way we can actually be together is if one or both of us moves.

So my question is should I talk to him about this or should I just wait until he does?? I know from looking back on the beginning of our relationship he did stuff for me like gave me stuff or helped me with stuff before he came out with his feelings toward me so I feel like it's the same thing. It took him a while to actually say it. So any ideas? Sorry it's so long!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Tue, 01-05-2010 - 12:37pm

Hi and welcome to the board. It's easy to look back on a relationship and remember all the good things when you're apart, but the bad things in a relationship are usually still there if you get back together. Is it possible he's just being flirty but isn't sincerely interested in getting back together?

Should I sever contact with my ex?

I can't shake the feeling that we'll get back together!

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