Should I? Shouldn't I? How should I?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2009
Should I? Shouldn't I? How should I?
6
Fri, 04-17-2009 - 9:28am
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2006
Fri, 04-17-2009 - 10:01am

Sylphee,


Welcome to the board. I have a question for you. What exactly are you expecting to gain from saying I Love You? If you are saying it to him because you hope he will say it back then maybe you should hold back on that for a little bit. But if you are saying it only to express

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2009
Fri, 04-17-2009 - 10:11am

Yeah, I am not saying it expecting him to say it in return. I just need to get it out there and feel he should know. We are not just a bf/gf situation we are in a actual relationship.


What is holding me back from saying it is that I am afraid he will think something is expected after I say it so I am not sure how to express how I feel without him feeling pressured if he is not ready to admit his feelings.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Fri, 04-17-2009 - 7:38pm

In the case of my two exhusbands they said they loved me first and it took way less than 6 months.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Fri, 04-17-2009 - 8:59pm

This was just like me! I was scared to say it, what if it didn't feel right, or now that I said it have to say it every time...

Anyway, I get the craziness that is going on in your head. It's hard to not let it consume your thoughts. But, try to not let it!

I think I said "I'm really staring to fall for you," and it brought tears to my eyes, at about 4 months. It choked me up. It didn't scare him away, but he wasn't ready to say it right then.

Then the next day he actually said it to me first. In a parking lot at a ski resort and we hugged right there.

Yeah, don't listen to the evil internet articles.

"However, if a guy is really into you .. you saying it first wont scare him away." I agree

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Wed, 04-22-2009 - 2:32am

The first I love you :)

I was in a similar situation as yours. I can understand your frustration, but it is actually a good kind of frustration. It's suspense. I think the time you have together before the "I love you" is very fun and playful and worth cherishing. After that, what else do you wait for? The proposal I guess.

I think you should try to keep it to yourself, and try not to think about it. I know during those intense moments when you are looking into his eyes you just want to blurt it out, or ask yourself, "Why isn't he saying it?!??!"
But it's worth the wait.

I wanted the first I love you between my boyfriend and I to be perfect, and it really was.
I started feeling it about 3 months into the relationship, and I could tell that he felt the same way, but I know how he is about keeping things special... and I guessed that maybe he's saving those words for the 6 month, because he kept saying that we should have a celebration for our big 6 month. Everytime he said stuff like I love your hair, my heart would stop for a second.

To my surprise, during a special moment on our 4-month anniversary, he said it, and it was perfect! Worth waiting for!

You should try saying things like "I more than like you" - that kinda worked for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Wed, 04-22-2009 - 10:09am

I agree with everyone else on this. Basically if he loves you, and is crazy about you, he would have said it by now. You can have a talk with him about it. Just say you have deep feelings for him, you enjoy where things are in the relationship, and want to know where he stands. Or ask if he's been "in love" before, that question could answer things right there for you. If the "L" doesn't come out of that conversation, then you can always take the risk and say it yourself.

Now normally I wait until he says it first, and normally if he's in love with you, it will happen in the first 3 months. You can always back off of him too and not see each other as much as you do. That can make him miss you a little more. There's a lot of things you could do or say, but I would have a talk with him before you say anything you regret.