Should I Stay or Should I Go?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2006
Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Sun, 11-29-2009 - 12:14am

Hi all,

Would love some advice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 11-30-2009 - 1:56pm

I think you're trying to draw blood from a stone here. You chose the wrong guy to get involved with if emotional intimacy is very important to you. And you've known from the beginning he's a guy who isn't comfortable with feeling serious about someone.

Wanting more isn't going to get what you want. I am VERY glad to hear he is in therapy, but you should know that therapy doesn't change a person overnight or in months. It also isn't going to make him more sure of you as a partner.

I don't think you're going to move this relationship forward as quickly as you'd like. Frankly, your boyfriend would be too much of a work in progress for most women to handle. I can't tell if you're wasting your time or not because I can't see the future, but I do know that if you want to be able to plan your future with someone this guy isn't it right now. There's no guarantee he will be.

It's time for you to evaluate what is more important to you: This particular man, or having a relationship that's worth investing in right now

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Mon, 11-30-2009 - 2:01pm

It sounds to me like you have some more soul searching to do. You say things are improving since he began therapy, but are you willing to wait and see if things improve from here, or are you afraid that will be wasting more time?

Does my guy have commitment issues?

Do men respond to pressure?

Setting Boundaries When He Won't Get In or Get Out

Why won't my boyfriend say the "L" word?


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2005
Sun, 12-06-2009 - 2:51pm
Wow, yeah your in some trouble, don't feel bad i'm going through something similar though. Well as for your relationship it's all about compromise and communication, without those two things your lost, so instead of blowing up all at once to save you from that big fight sit down and talk with him explain your feelings and let him explain his (it's only fair). Both of you should meet in the middle and figure out what would work for you two best. If he loves you he'll understand and the same with you. I hope I've helped GOOD LUCK!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2006
Mon, 12-07-2009 - 3:19pm


At some point you will have to realize that you both truly want different things. It seems to me that your BF just doesn't want to be responsible for the feelings of another.

I'm not saying that he doesn't care about you, but it sounds like he carries a lot of guilt for how things ended with his ex, hence why he is going at this pace with you.

What do you want? He has already stated that you are not the one he might want to marry. Are you okay with that? It sounds like you are not "hearing" what he is saying. Good Luck