should I stick with it or go?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2010
should I stick with it or go?
5
Mon, 03-22-2010 - 1:03am

I need some input on a new "relationship".

I have been out of the dating scene for over 20 years so don't know if this is a new way of doing things.

I am going through a divorce and met this guy in a dating place on the computer. He is an over the road truck driver ( gone a week at a time)and seems to be very honest and cares for me; he said he is falling in love with me but sometimes actions speak louder than words. He will get a call coming in from his daughter when he is talking to me so he lets me go saying he will call me back and that doesn't happen for hours or up to a day. This irritates me very much but when we are together he treats me very well and is very attentive. I know it is tough for him to talk as he is driving so I must take that into consideration.

We really have a great time together so I don't want to make a mistake here. I could very much see us making a lasting relationship.

There is a time line for us to be together of 2 years as his daughter will be out of the house by then. I have to work on myself for about that same amount of time so I get it right this time, too, so that would work for me as well. Also, when his daughter goes off to college/work, he will no longer have to work.

I know he is divorced but am not sure if he has someone else he is seeing as he is not available very much on weekends.

He was very upfront with me in the beginning that his first priority is his daughter. He just got her back from his ex wife. And, I can understand that but he has not told her about me yet...

So, what do the experts say about this one? Just keep going the way we are or say goodbye? Just play it by ear and hope he becomes more committed to me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 03-22-2010 - 3:30pm

How long have you been seeing this guy?

"He will get a call coming in from his daughter when he is talking to me so he lets me go saying he will call me back and that doesn't happen for hours or up to a day. This irritates me very much "
Then I would take that as a signal for you to change your expectations. When he says "I'll call you back", don't expect it to be right away. That's just how he is. He's not giving you false promises, it's just not as quickly as you'd like. So when he does that, don't sit around waiting for a phone call.

"I know he is divorced but am not sure if he has someone else he is seeing as he is not available very much on weekends."
That's quite probable. If he was still dating other people would you break it off?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2010
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 2:12am

We have been seeing one another for a little over a month. So, it is still young yet.

In reading other posts while waiting for a reply, I did realize I was expecting too much so I have backed off on my expectations and I already feel a lot better.

No, I would not break it off if he were seeing others. We have a lot going for us. And, he is the one making future plans for us.

I am in my 60's and he is in his 50's so we are way past the game playing time.

Thank you so much for the reply.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 2:46pm

Being older does not = no game playing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2010
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 6:18pm

We actually get from 2.5 to 5 hours a week face to face. He said he is going to take some days off work next week to spend with me... We spend more than a few hours talking on the phone every day. Some times he calls 10 times a day!

I do understand about the so little time we have known each other but we both grew up on the farm ( about 20 miles from each other), have very much the same likes, hobbies, lifestyles.

Both of us had long term bad marriages; and are just looking for a peaceful, loving life with someone who enjoys the same things.

It is very nice to have a man around who accompanies me to the kitchen when I prepare a meal. And is very attentive when we are having a good conversation.

I hate the term soulmates but we do seem to be on the same wavelength.

My marriage has been over for a good 8 years except for the legal stuff and he has been divorced for 13 years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2010
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 11:19am

Just wanted to let you all know that whatever it was has died a natural death.

I saw the light. Too many things he said he was going to do didn't get done. I am becoming more " think with your head rather than your heart."

Thank you all for your input.