Should I tell him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2006
Should I tell him?
3
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 10:16pm

I met my guy in late October, we had our first date two weeks later. We ended up having sex on the first date, keep in mind thought that we talked alomst every day for the first two weeks.

We continued to see each other for the next few months, and in early January he took me out of town to meet his best-friend, Z, and Z's family. While we were there I realized that I am in love with him. I pondered for a while how to tell him, when to tell him and if I even should tell him. I decided to wait and just tell him that I really didn't want to see anyone else and that I wanted an exclusive relationship.

The following weekend we went to see Z again, he only lives like an hour from here. Saturday night we sat up late talking about different things and what not. I told him that I had something to tell him. He said, "I know what it is, you are falling in love with me." I was so caught of guard that he "knew," I asked him how he "knew" and he responded with the "eyes don't lie." I was flabber-gasted.

Anyway...the next day he introduced me to his folks (that's another thread) and then we headed out to spend some sensual time together. I mentioned that I still hadn't said "it." He told me he didn't want me to say it. Huh? I know he was hurt in the past, and I am extremely understanding to that as I have been hurt too. But he doesn't want to hear that I love him? I haven't said I love you to him. And we have only been together a week at this point, I mean exclusively. So I can kinda understand that....

The time we spend together is awesome, the sex is great and I know that even if he doesn't call me he's thinking about me and being loyal to me....something I couldn't count on with my ex. I have no doubt that this will be a healthy relationship, if not the one that lasts forever.

I've found myself in the last week wanting to say it to him whenever we talk and dreaming about telling him. I feel physical pain when I think about telling him I love you and the fact that he doesn't want to hear it. Should I wait until he says it to tell him? Or should I tell him what I feel?




Edited 1/30/2006 10:19 pm ET by friendlyblonde
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 9:42am

I would wait and see where things go with this guy. When I guy is in love, he will tell you. Seems like you are wrapped up in this guy? You have been together for a while, and the fact that he was "hurt" in the past in crap. I don't know how long ago his last RL was, but if it wasnt too long ago, he may be still trying to get over his ex, and then picked you up as a rebound RL. Then again, it may have a while since his last RL, and he's cautious about falling for someone again, with that being said, I would enjoy your time with him, and let him say it first...cause if you do it may just scare him off completely. Try not to wrap yourself and your world around this guy, just let things happen, and I would follow what your instinct tells you. I know that I need to listen to mine a bit more :-)

Another thing to is that you don't want to put all of your hopes and dreams into this guy that your ex didn't provide. A lot of times that just "clouds your vision" since your looking to this guy for what you didn't get. When your "vision is cloudy" a lot of times that can prolong something that may be going no where, so just keep that in mind. You've only know this guy for a short time, and know that it takes a while to truely get to know someone for who they really are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2005
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 5:02pm
Wait, definatly wait. You can maybe give him a card and express your feelings, but not so deep. Just keep it light. I was with a guy who was the same way and as painful as it was to not tell him, who was a I doing it for, he knew how I felt, I wanted to tell him, he wasn't ready to hear it, so I kept it to myself for a while longer to feel it out, I ended up telling him a month or so later when I kinda felt like it was a good moment, he didn't say it back, and I didn't say it again till he did, but I realized that when he wanted to hear it and return the sentiment it means more than ever. Trust me you;ll like it better, what will happen and how will you feel when you tell him and he doens't say it back, its hard and you don't want him to tell you just cause you did, you want him to mean it. It's a very vulnerable thing and depending on whats happened before he's not ready, but watch for his actions. That really speaks louder than words really just do what you can to show him you love him in other ways than words, right now he'll appreciate that better, then I'm sure he will return it. You'll see it before he speaks it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 10:19pm

Wait, Grasshopper.

Myspace Codes