should I tell him?
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| Mon, 11-07-2005 - 11:40am |
About a month ago, I met a great guy that I have really enjoyed spending time with and getting to know. However, about a week before I met him, I booked a holiday visit to China (where I used to live) with an 8 day break in Thailand with an old fling...Now, the new guy knows I am going to Thailand but has no idea with whom...
I am waivering back and forth on whether or not to tell him and my conscience is killing me...! I know it is better to be straightfoward- BUT, here is the clincher- this new guy, the one I like spending so much time with, he still lives with his ex-girlfriend in a house they bought together!!
Depsite my conscience, I get angry/confused each time I think about that. If I tell him, he will be hurt and will be upset. Also, I risk losing a great thing alltogether. If I don't tell him I have to live with this on my conscience forever. If I cancel the trip and the relationship goes nowhere, I will kick myself for doing so. If I cancel and there is real potential, I have a lot to gain.
Advice please.....what would you do?
Genki

Have you agreed with the new guy to be exclusive and/or monogamous? If so, then yes, you need to tell him or not go on the trip.
If you haven't, then you are under no obligation to tell him anything.
Sheri
What a mess!!
If you only just started dating this guy, then I don't think you're under an OBLIGATION to tell him, it would just be a good idea. Who wants to keep track of lies and half-truths, and, if this goes anywhere, then you'll have some 'splaning to do later on. It's so much better to be straightforward, and it doesn't have to be a big deal.
I'm just impressed that you're cool with New Guy living with his ex-girlfriend. I would NOT be as composed about that!!
But back to the topic at hand, you're not doing anything wrong by going on vacation, especially if it was prebooked. Tell him.
Oh, see if I'm just dating someone and am not exclusive, I just assume that they are dating others and I *DO NOT want to hear about it*, LOL!!! It would just make me crazy to KNOW...I don't want to be told.
Anything that happens before we've agreed to be exclusive, doesn't count, IMO.
Sheri
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A guy that you have only known for ONE month is not worth cancelling a trip over. Go to your trip and keep it to yourself and have a great time. Like you said, what if the relationship doesn't go anywhere and you end up sabotaging your trip you will regret it later and what a total waste of money. Also, the fact that he still lives with his ex is a big red flag and would give me more of a reason to go on this trip. Something fishy is going on because two exes should never live under the same roof and don't be surprised if he tells you that he is going to work things out with his ex-live-in-girlfriend.