Should I wait or am I wasting time?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2004
Should I wait or am I wasting time?
2
Fri, 12-02-2005 - 3:06pm

I haven't been on the message board in a while. I started seeing a single father (Mr. mom) almost two years ago. I'm 26 and he's 31. He clearly made his intentions clear saying he wanted a committed relationship. I extremely cautious because I had been in a 3yr relationship with someone who didn't know what he wanted. I wasn't clear of my intentions because I wasn't sure whether this guy really cared about me. He invited me for so many things and offered to do so much but I kept saying no because I thought it was too soon. We spent a lot of time together e.g lunch everyday but I didn't kiss him until we had spent 5wks together. We then became intimate 3months later. His complaint was I never told him what I wanted. He even said untold expectations were dangerous because he could not really read me. Anyway, I then fell in love with him and I obviously showed it to him even though I didnot ask him alot of questions about him. He then developed problems such as job uncertainty, a counter custody battle, he moved in with his parents because he had a serious spinal injury which left him paralyzed. He didn't tell me he had been injured until I found out for myself. This was sad because he had always been a positive person but negativity was beginning to brew.I continued to be a great friend and check on his progress even though I tried to visit him and he refused. I was frustrated for six months, I tried to move on because I felt rejected but I failed to do so. I realized he was the man I loved since he was always there for me in bad times and I was there for him in bad times as well. We just seem to have unexplainable chemistry. He is a senior executive who has always believed in my career capabilities. He always seems to refer me for job positions even before he has told me.

The confusing thing is when we are together or when we talk it is obvious we are all over each other. But I seem to be the one who calls most of the time. He says he doesn't like the phone too much because he uses it alot for his job. I used to tell him that he needed to seek help because of his emotional problems such as the custody situation, job and his back because he was depressed. His ego blocked him from seeking and he said "no one tells me how to deal with issues". I did not see him for 4 mths and I became sad because I felt I wasn't true to my feelings. I missed him. He came to see me and it was then that he told me he had been paralysed and he couldnot imagine the state of being dependent on his parents. His ego had been bruised. After physio theraphy he is able to walk and he came to tell me he began seeing a pyscho therapist to help him deal with his issues. I felt that was great given the fact he is a proud brother! I now wanted to know where I lay in his life because there was no clear demarcation about the situation. I admitted my love for him and he told me " You are actually a huge topic of discussion in my session" .I asked him what that meant and he said "baby I am dealing with my depression and I would like you to be patient with me during this time" I asked him what he exactly wanted and he said "I want you to wait for me" He said he told his pyschologist he wants me to be happy and he doesn't want to deprive me of my life but his ideal situation is he wants a life with me but he is trying to make things happen. I told him it shouldn't be too long but since he asked me to wait and we love each other I would.He is a firm believer of spirituality and he says we have a strong spiritual connection. Please Advise me




Edited 12/5/2005 3:59 pm ET by babeug
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 12-02-2005 - 4:28pm
WHat do you want to do? This is a call of do you see yourself with him? Can you work through his faults? If so wait it out and be there for him. If you think this is a hard undertaking then be honest about it.

Marie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2004
Fri, 12-02-2005 - 4:49pm
Thanks Marie!I feel have come to the realization that I can clearly live with this man. I've been through alot with him and my love for him is unconditional. I feel different with this guy. I have dealt with his flaws and he has dealt with mine. I feel I have matured tremendously since I met this guy. I had two long term relationships before I met him and the guys have tried to come back but I no longer feel a romantic inclination toward them. I was separated from the present one for about 4months after being together for about 10 months but it feels like I've been with him forever. He is the first guy I'v date with a child.I feel like protecting him. It has been a testing relationship but I feel he the guy I could marry. I never thought chemistry could continue to flow even when there have been tribulations. I don't what it is. I also get the vibe from him.


Edited 12/2/2005 4:55 pm ET by babeug