Should this really matter?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2005
Should this really matter?
4
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 3:17pm
I just met a guy (finally) this past weekend and we hit it off as i knew we would. We have seen eachother before a few times and i was totally blown away each time and nervous to talk to him, and as i found out, he felt the same. Aww. Anyways he's a little younger then me, I'm 26 and he's 22, and i found out he had just moved out here 4 months ago. My cousin hangs out with the same people he does and she had found out a few things about him for me. She told me he's embarrassed to ask me out because he doesn't have a car or a steady job yet. But he really likes me and doesn't want me to think he's a loser. OK I have had my fair share of the loser ex lovers that didn't work and ect..but should i judge this guy right off the bat and blow him off(I guess he's supposed to call me this week...but shhhh...I'm not supposed to know) becasue of that? Or should I just let him take me out (with me picking him up!) and see what happens because he did just move? When I look and talk to this guy it's like fireworks and soulmate type stuff. This hasn't happened very often to me, that's why I'm here. I guess I'm just asking if i should trust my heart or my evil man hating head? What would you do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Thu, 11-03-2005 - 6:54am

The best advice I think I can give you is to trust neither. Your heart's judgement is being clouded by romantic notions of fate and soulmates and that isn't realistic. Your brain is being clouded by bad past experiences. Neither one can be trusted right now.

What you need to do is taek a step back, try to put your fears and your dreams aside and be logical. You don't really know this man yet, not first hand and, realistically, you need to before you can pass judgement one way or the other.

Go on the date, have fun, but try to stay objective. Give yourself a chance to get to know him and then judge whether he's a slacker or someone who is smart and ambitious and will take action and make something of himself or not. THEN THINK about whether this is a man you want to invest your time and your feeligns in or not. THINK about if this is a man who will make a good partner or is he a man you think you cna MOLD into the right partner.

Use you're brain and don't let your FEARS trick you into thinking they are the voice of reason; they aren't. Your fears may keep you safe but they will also keep you alone.

Set your feelings aside and use your head.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2005
Thu, 11-03-2005 - 10:17am
Hi candystarr... that sounds like a filler guy. I don't think you have to worry about him liking you at all, and you can just have fun. I bet you'll tire of him before he tires of you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Thu, 11-03-2005 - 10:29am
I just think that you are 26 and probably looking for different things. I mean he is only 22 which means like at most 20 and is not on his feet yet. I mean are you sure that what you feel when around him is soul mate stuff or is it that you just want to be with someone already? I just think its a big gamble b/c of his age as well as his standings. If I were you I would just use him as a past time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Thu, 11-03-2005 - 11:44am
It doesn't hurt to get to know him a little more. Just don't go in with expectations. He may surprise you, he may not but you won't know if you don't try.