Should We Break Up?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2005
Should We Break Up?
1
Sat, 06-04-2005 - 10:50pm
im using my moms membership to get some advise that i REALLY need. i have been dating a WONDERFUL guy for a little over 2 months now. every single thing has been great up until now. hes been really distant. i know that he's in collage and it will start summer classes right about the time that his new 3rd shift job has min work more days and more hours. plus he helps his dad a lot(he's a real family oriented person) and i know he is really stressed. today i decided to see what was up and he told me that he was stresses and had a lot on his plate. he said that he thinks that we took things just a little too fast and honestly i think we did too. he also told me that he knows what he doesn't need and what he really wants and it is the same thing...me. i dont want to lose him. but i dont want him to be stressed too much either. we live about 35-40 minutes away from each other and only get to do stuff on the weekends. i really do think i'm in love with him. he said maybe we should take a few days to sorta reflect and sort things out with ourselves. i think that's a good idea but i cant keep myself from calling him every 30 minutes to an hour. what should i do? niether one of us want to call it quits but i think he'd be better off. im just a reck and i'm lost. he's the first guy to treat me wonderful. someone help me please. what is the best thing for BOTH of us?


Edited 6/4/2005 10:56 pm ET ET by mameeranda
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Sun, 06-05-2005 - 2:31am

Hi,

please tell me one thing...if HE thinks your relationship is going too fast, and YOU think that your relationship is going too fast...then why on earth would you call him every 30 mins to an hour??? That's waaaay too much contact and way too little care put into the situation.

>>we should take a few days to sorta reflect and sort things out with ourselves.<<
If he asks you for some time to think and you agree, then you should respect that decision and let things cool off. It's not as though he was asking for a week or two (which isn't THAT long either). He asked for a mere 3-4 days...

Relax and let things sort themselves out, because you are going to suffocate this relationship in no time if you don't take some time for yourself, as well as allow him to have some personal space.

>>niether one of us want to call it quits but i think he'd be better off.<<
Of course it seems that way now, but if you guys slowed down a bit (okay A LOT), you may find that you're both thinking a little clearer and will be able to enjoy your time together a lot more. Allow him to miss you a little, and vice versa.

It sounds like he needs to take some time to relax and unwind a bit from the daily stresses of life. You may not realize it but you are probably adding to these stresses by not allowing him to take some time away from everything and everyone. Not to mention the fact that you may end up ignoring your own needs as you seem to be very focused on him.

I think that only being together on weekends is a very healthy amount of time to spend together; especially at this point in your relationship. If you find yourself longing for more, just think about all the built up passion that will be created if you wait until the weekends to see him -and unleash it ;O)! It could lead to a much more satisfying experience for the both of you...imo :O).

I wish you all the best. It sounds like you have a very sweet man in your life, and he's very lucky to have someone care about him as much as you do :O).

Good Luck,
Yvy.