Sleep issues w/ new bf
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Sleep issues w/ new bf
| Sun, 05-07-2006 - 2:13am |
I spent the night with my new boyfriend for the first time last night and he admitted that he had touble sleeping simply because someone else was in the bed with him and he is not used to it. He said the lack of sleep was well woth having me there anyway. Neither of us snore or toss and turn. Flashback to three years ago when I dated a guy who was severely commitmentphobic and could not sleep next to me either, EVER. He even walled us off from each other by having separate blankets. I am scared that the new boyfriend is like the old. I want him to be able to relax and get a good nights sleep next to me. Anyone want to share thoughts and experiences?

My thoughts. It is strange going from sleeping alone to sleeping with someone. Do you touch? Do you not? If you move over too far onto their side do you leave the body part there or pull back? How close is too close, and will I fall off the bed keeping to my own side? Where'd the blanket go and why is the sheet all over here?
Just like a hotel bed, it takes some getting used to and the first night is almost never a good night sleep. However, one does get used to it unless they are bound and determained NOT to get used to it, like your XBF.
The big thing is don't punnish your BF for sins of the X. Calm down and see how things develope. He said it was worth it, so I bet in no time he'll be sleeping soundly with you next to him.
I don't think this is any indication of his attitude on committment at all. We all have our sleeping habits and many people are light sleepers... any disruption from my normal sleeping habits and I have trouble sleeping too. Even if I'm sleeping alone but not in my own bed, it just feels weird and I can't sleep very well. Likewise, whenever I was with a new guy and was used to sleeping on my own, I had to relearn how to sleep with someone else in the bed... I even had problems at first when it was my now-fiance and obviously it has nothing to do with committment because we're engaged now!
Having sleep habits and/or being a light sleeper has nothing to do with how committed he is going to be so try to relax.
Genealogical Musings
I think you're WAAAY overreacting...I think MOST people have a hard time going from sleeping alone to sleeping with someone. Wait and see...don't judge after just one night. That's totally unfair to him.
Sheri
missm06...
In lieu of Sheri's last comment, Pianoguy suggests you buy a plane ticket to Maine and visit him.
This way you could do a "test run" in mutual bedding---before you do the real thing with your boyfriend!
Pianoguy
M
I just wnated to say, it took me MONTHS to be able to sleep when my guy was there. So, needless to say, I didn't really care if he was there or not, cuz when he wasn't, I could sleep.
I realized after many sleepless nights, there were a couple of reasons why I couldn't sleep.
1. he liked to have the tv on, so I'd leave it on (I can't sleep with the tv on)
2. he snored (at the time, I had been sleeping alone for over 4 years)
3. he runs hot (so anytime I'd sleep near him, like I like to do, I'd wake up freezing, cuz I was all wet and sweaty. And that would wake me up constantly).
He had to learn to sleep w/o the tv off. I had to learn how to sleep with his snoring. I had to learn to sleep as far away from him as I can.
MONTHS of sleepless nights, because I wasn't sure what it was. BTW, for the most part, it was worth it to have him there.
So, even if #2, or #3, or #10 doesn't go well, don't assume it's a commitment problem. I don't have those, and I couldn't sleep.
I like not being so comfortable when sleeping with my SO. We are in a LDR and how many more sleepless nights if we were use to/comfortable sleeping together. As you said when we first got together there were a lot of things that contributed to our not sleeping comfortably. I was so use to sleeping alone I could not roll all over the bed to sleep and lay in the middle to fall asleep. Him holding me was uncomfortable because I slept on my stomach and he sweats during the night. He likes to sleep with the fan on and I like it nice and warm. Just so many things but we have worked it now that we both can get the rest needed. We have extra blankets for me at his house and my house he sleeps by the window. I have turned the TV off in my room when he is over my house and we have decided that holding is after I am asleep or 10 mins before I sleep to get comfortable.
Just be patient it is to soon to think of it as a sign.