This is so complicated

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2009
This is so complicated
Thu, 07-09-2009 - 2:57am

So I've been dating this guy for 2 months. Almost all the time he was the one that's been chasing after me. I didn't like him at first and even ignored him and turned down his invitations to parties and movies. But then I started to have some feelings for him. Things were going normally: we both knew we have feelings for the other and we've been teasing and chasing and having a lot of fun until one day he texted me and asked whether i was looking for a serious or just a for fun relationship. I wasn't really into anything with commitment at the time so I told him it was just gonna be summer fun. And he replied he was thinking the same thing. But then later when we met he told me it was actually his friend who'd been texting with me earlier (since he let him borrow his phone for a while). I got so confused and my guts told me he'd lied about that. But i had no proof so i just let it go.

After we'd been dating for a month or so, my feelings for this guy got a lot stronger so I decided I might want to go for something more than just a summer fun. I talked to him about that asking what he thought. He then said he like me but not enough to be in a serious relationship with me and that he'd not want to be set on anyone. Upon hearing this, I knew it'd ever work out between us so I told him I decided to cut all the ties with him and move on with someone else.
But then the next day we pumped into each other at a club. I was with a very close guy friend of mine - which was kinda misleading coz he mistakenly thought he was my new love interest. I ignored him all the time and just danced with my friend. Then just when I was about to leave, he sort of held my hands and tried to get me out to talk to me in private. I didn't really get what he wanted at the time so I just let go of him and went back home with my friend. That night this guy got really mad. He texted me at 3 am asking if he could talk to me. And then he was blah blah about who the guy friend was and such. I told him it was a close friend to calm him down and then reminded him he'd told me he doesn't want a relationship so no need for him to redo the phrase all the time. He then said he rethinking it. But he'd respect if I wanted to stick to the decision. I again asked him what he wanted. And he said " I don't know" still (Failure!) so I told him i needed to go to bed and he probably should do so too. I texted him another message later that night telling him I wanted to stick to the decision and we needed to avoid any further contacts in the future.
I have to meet this guy on a weekly basis coz we co-teach a prep course together. Ever since that day, this guy texted me less (I suppose) but still everyday (I never text him first) just to ask some silly work-related questions. Last class he still asked me out but I said no - of course. Then when he learnt that I had got a date earlier, he kept asking questions about where we went, what we did, who the guy was and such. My guts told me deep inside he wanted to be with me, still cared about me but not ready yet to give up his single life. I was really upset about this.
I told him I'd not go to his birthday party and he was upset about it. Anyway I don't really know what I should do. I still have feelings for him but not sure what he's after.

Additional details: we haven't had any physical contact and he has a reputation of being a player.

Please give me some insightful advice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2008
Thu, 07-09-2009 - 2:28pm

The guy is a player ,he might be playing around with you as well and its very difficult for a player to find out that the girl is rejecting him( even though he himself said that he doesnt want anything serious)and moving on.A very difficult pill to swallow for a player guy.
A player at one point in his life also wants a real love life as he gets tired of playing around and feels an emptiness inside.When he reaches that stage,no one knows.Some never do.

You could tell him that you are feeling more for him than you should and if he cant reciprocrate,he must leave you.then the ball is in your court.If he decides 'no' , then cut off all conatct with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Thu, 07-09-2009 - 11:15pm

It sounds like this guys ego is a bit bruised. He probably didn't expect you to end it when he told you he didn't want something real (who can blame him, women are notorious to the point of comical with NOT taking a man at his word and thinking she'll "change" him!). But you did. You called the game and said you weren't going to play it. Intriguing, but like he said, he hasn't changed his mind. Then you show up with an apparent date and his ego is hurt again that you moved on so fast.

It's not so complicated really. He's acting like a spoiled little boy, who paid no want to his toy until another boy showed interest in

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2009
Sat, 07-11-2009 - 7:34am
You were right. I in fact decided to email him and apparently he turned out he was not that interested...
So I guess my decision was right. Thank you for your advice!