So confused!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2005
So confused!
4
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 4:33pm
Here is my story, I will make is short and sweet as not to bore anyone. My now boyfriend and I went to high school together and in school we hung out as friends and had a great time. Now he is 27, I am 29. I had not seen him until approx. the end of Sept. 05. We just met w/ a group of friend, but ended up hanging out w/ just one another and basically forgetting everyone was there. And we have basically been together since. His story - he is 27, been married 2 times, has 3 kids by 3 diff. girls, has had a vasectomy, and is madly in love w/ me. I tried to tell him one night, that we could never be b/c I want kids one day and it's not fair for me to be w/ someone that can't give me that. And I don't want to deal w/ the baby mama drama! He said "I understand, but I am not going to quit trying". And he hasn't, I care for this guy so much, but why go on if it can never be. I mean, I guess it could, but there would be very hard stipulations that he would get a reversal and/or we'd get artificial insemination from someone that looks like him. (i know I sound like a bi***) Okay, this guy treats me sooo great. I have always said that I would not be w/ anyone unless they treat me as I deserve to be treated. I am a princess to him and he shows that to me! I love his family, I truly feel like I belong there, I make myself at home and nothing is ever thought of about it. I just don't know what to do, I so want to stay and be w/ him b/c I am really falling in love, but I don't want to stay b/c I am afraid he will never be able to give me what I want. I do not want to hurt him (or his family). Any advice? Thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2005
In reply to: fun1976
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 4:55pm
I know this will sound rude but what is so wonderful about a man that has three children from three different women and is only 27? To me it shows that he is lacking in family values and doesn't know the concept of committment. would you really want to be his "baby momma" number 4! Find someone new who will treat you just as good but doesn't have all that drama attached to him.
BABY #3!!
 
Pregnancy ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2005
In reply to: fun1976
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 5:08pm
Bella - you are correct, I DO NOT want to be #4, but how can I walk away from someone that I care for so much, and that cares for me? Yes, it does seem that he has family/commitment issues, again, how do I walk away knowing it would be the same w/ me? See I am just so confused, I don't know what to do, especially if it involves hurting him(and his family)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: fun1976
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 5:16pm
Well sometimes you have to do things for you. RIght now is the time. You do not want to be 35 and just meeting the guy because you have just become available to date again and it will take another 3 more yrs for a relationship to develop, marry and begin a family. You will then regret the time you wasted with him. Think of it as any other gooal in your lfe. You have to do what it takes to go ahead and pursue that goal. SO right now the goal is to one day marry and have a family, he is holding you back and what do you do with things that keep you from accomplishing what you want. Think of it like your job, partying is fun and much much better then working but you have career you are trying to obtain so what do you do with partying put it on the back burner. Not saying you have let him completely go now, enjoy him for the time and remind yourself it is temporary but stay focused on meeting others who want and can give the same that you want in your future.

Marie

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2005
In reply to: fun1976
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 5:20pm
The first step is realizing that your feelings and future are more important than that of your boyfriend and his familiy. You cannot stay in a potentially unhealthy relationship for the sake of not hurting them. These women that were impregnated by him probably thought he was the great guy you seem to think he is and look at what ended up happening to them. What guarantee do you have that he won't do this to you down the road? he doesn't have a good track record when it deals with committment. Many women have become single mothers because they have been fed false promises by guys who seemed perfect. Think about it this way, you can hurt now or risk hurting much more later on when he doesn't come through with his promises. Now that is for you to decide. If I were you I rather hurt now and start searching for a better mate.
BABY #3!!
 
Pregnancy ticker