So confused...help?
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So confused...help?
| Thu, 05-26-2005 - 10:25am |
Me and my ex husband dated off and on since 7th grade, we eventually went our seperate ways after high school,he got married and I joined the Navy, we were still friends and stayed in contact, I came home from the Navy and he had divorced, I began dating othe people and had a baby, when my daughter was 4 months old we got back together, eventually got married and had 2 more kids, we really had a good life until I found a box of condoms under the seat of his truck with one missing out of the box and he was drinking alot, I filled for divorce, after the divorvce was final I began dating someone else but still loved my ex very much so we got back together, eventually I ended it because I just couldn't get back the trust! A few months later I met a wonderful man who adored me and my kids. My ex began dating a horrible woman, who was married, he was still begging me back, but I wouldn’t budge especially when I found out that his married girlfriend was pregnant. She eventually filled for divorce and had the baby and my ex signed the birth certificate to the baby still not knowing if it was his or not. When the baby was 3 months old he came back to me begging me back because I was single, I agreed to take it slow, he agreed to leave her, but to my surprise he hadn’t and she came after me, I had to file assault charges on her for assaulting me with my 3 kids, I told him that I never wanting to speak to him again, 2 weeks later they got married. He stopped coming and getting the kids for months at a time. I got back together with the man I was dating prior and have a wonderful life with him, we are building a house and everything. Sunday my ex dropped off the kids and was furious to find out that I had my last name changed, then he ask me if I would have an affair with him, how confusing??????

What exactly do you need help with?
Your xh is a cheating, lying, SOB. And you keep accepting him back into your life, why? Sorry to be harsh, but I think it's needed. You need to be told that he's no good for you, regardless if for the kids.
Don't go back to him. Don't be his other woman. Haven't you realized yet, that all he seems to come back for is sex, only to cheat on you? Let him go. Seek some therapy to help understand why you keep allowing him to treat you this way. And yes, people only treat you how YOU allow them to.
He KNOWS he can have you by begging. And then screwing around on you. Only to BEG again and you'll forgive him. He knows he can have you whenever he wants, if he begs and pleads enough. Because you're weak and will give in.
I don't think you're really like that, not truly, so ask yourself. When it comes to this man? Why are you so weak? And don't say because you love him, that's not a reason, it's an excuse.
~pineapple_girl
What's confusing? The fact that you're attracted to a man you know is bad for you? Lots of women are.
Are you happy and truly satisfied with your new husband, if you aren't, why not?
Is it because you miss the thrill of hoping the bad boy will change because of how much he loves you? I think we all go through this. I know I did. I used to think that the most romantic deep powerful sign of love was the willingness of another to change for you to mold themselves in to something better for you.
I thought by 30 I was over it and then I got back together with an ex who told me all those thing. He was bad news when I dated him when I was 25 and he was worse news when I was 30 and my instincts TRIED to tell me that, but did I listen, oh hell no. I feel for his crap hook line nad sinker and wound up inf the first and only emotionally abusive relationhsip I've ever been in. About 15 months, and $10,000 in debt, later I regained my senses and dumped him and kicked his sorry butt out of my life for good.
I figure it was the only way to learn my lesson.
This is what I learened: The truest form of real love noone has to change for. The truest most romantic profession of love is being there day in and day out and being supportive and loving. Real love is NOTHING like the movies, it's BETTER. It's true and abiding. It makes you calm and content. It's the safe place to land no matter what. It makes you feel safe and secure even when everything feels likes chaos around you. Real love isn't about grand gestures or making sacrafices. Real love is about little gestures that make you feel loved and cherished and special in a way that no grand gesture ever could. Real love is about NEVER having to sacrafice only offer support and comprimse.
It's soooo easy to be fooled by grand gestures and promises. Women are told their whole lives that's what love is. We're fed lies and exgarations. And then as adults we're suddenly told it's all not true and then we have to figure out on our own through trial and error what the real thing is all about.
I don't know if this is an answer for you or only leaves you with more questions. Hopefully it helps a little either way. Just don't let your emotions, or hormones, get the bets of you. Use your brain and your instincts, listen to them, generally they're a lot more on point then you're feelings are.