SOO not meant to be...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
SOO not meant to be...
4
Thu, 06-02-2005 - 5:10pm
After him stealing my credit card and using it to take his ex g/f out, and finding out he lied to me about owning his own home (he did not) his mom owned it,and even when I found out he STILL said she just lives there, but co-signed for me, then yet another lie, that he was "partners" in a business w/ his father, well all he was was just another worker, his father owns the company solely. Then, there were SO many lies about him talking to his ex g/f, she would tell me (and why I never listened I do not know) but she would tell me that when he would not be around me, he would text message her and want to know what she was doing later that night, he would deny it, and my naive self would stay. What broke the camels back was when he told me that the prior night that he didn't end up playing poker, but managed to spend almost $100 on beer in 3 1/2 hrs, for $1.75 per beer! Of course I was mad, he lied yet again. Anyway he was drunk and stoned and whatever else, and accused me of hiding his keys when he wanted to leave when I comfronted him about all the lies. I had no idea where his keys were, so he walked to the police station, brought an officer back, finally found the keys, had to sleep in his work vehicle (cuz' he NEVER had a car - he USED me for my house and my car to go to work and pick up his 2 illigitimate kids, by 2 different women- that should have been my 1st clue!!) anyway, he came and got his stuff that weekend, and paid me the $ for what he put on my credit card when he stole it only b/c the police officer threatened to come arrest him. So he is gone, and it has been a hard lessoned learned. I had a GUT feeling something was up, I now know 100% w/o a doubt to go w/ my gut- cuz' it is right! Well now, I have this guy texting me - him and I went on a blind date along time ago, and my sister and his friend ended up getting married. Now he says he is crazy about me and will do anything for me. I have told him time and again, I have fresh battle wounds, I can't, I am scared, I do not trust, but he keeps trying, and I have to give him credit. But I have also told him that if anything does happen we just need to let it happen and take things SLOW. Any other advise what I could say/do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
Thu, 06-02-2005 - 5:57pm

TEll the new guy to back off, and you'll call him when you're ready. It's not SWEET when men push and push (or women) especially if you already told him you just ended a r'ship. Men that push, are looking for an easy catch/lay. And well, being all heartbroken, those are the easiest prey.

It already would be a red flag if this guy was pushing that much. you're not ready, that should've been enough for him to back off.

I would ask him to give you his number, and you'll call when you're ready. And if he pushes AGAIN, I'd tell him, "it's not flattering that you're being pushy, in fact, it's almost becoming stalker like. If I"m interested WHEN Im ready, I'll call you, until then, I'd apprecaite it if you back off". and if he doesn't, at least you'll know he isn't a good guy. if he does, and apologizes profusely, just tell him it was sweet the first time, now it's already one strike against him.

BTW, congrats on finally getting out of the other r'ship. I would HIGHLY suggest you do some MAJOR soul searchign about WHY you allowed this guy to lie to you and why you accepted all the lies.

~pineapple_girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Thu, 06-02-2005 - 6:27pm

Yeesh, and I thought I should change MY name to 'I Can't Believe This Is Happening To Me', but I think I'll let you have first crack at it!

I agree w/pineapple girl's advice--very sound. Essential that you take some time to figure out your priorities before jumping into the fire again w/a new guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Thu, 06-02-2005 - 9:08pm

Congrats on cutting this guy loose. I remember your previous posts about him. Though I have to say, it doesn't take 'gut feelings' to figure this one out ... he's lied about things out right ... using the knowledge you have at hand is about using your 'head' not your gut ... this one isn't about instincts (gut feelings) ... this one is about accepting what is ... what you know and using your head!

Now, what messes this up for us is the heart gets in the way of using our head.

<< he says he is crazy about me and will do anything for me. I have told him time and again, I have fresh battle wounds, I can't, I am scared, I do not trust, but he keeps trying, and I have to give him credit. >>

If you're using your head, you can also know what's good for your heart. Someone who lies to you over and over is not going to be good for your heart. You don't have to give him credit for 'trying' ... he's going to say what thinks you want to hear to win you back. If you trust your head on this, and respect yourself enough to know that you deserve better than to be with someone who is a habitual liar, and you'll be able to do the right thing for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 06-02-2005 - 11:33pm
I would suggest, take a year to know and understand you before going forward. If he is as into you as he says he will be around. Heck, I met a guy today and he told me no matter how long it takes he is happy with just enjoying my company. Do not settle as you said "you have fresh battle wounds" allow them to heal before moving on.
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