Still love my ex...2 yrs later

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Still love my ex...2 yrs later
Wed, 02-03-2010 - 12:36pm

Hey all, it's been a while since I've written on a board.

I'm not quite sure I'm writing on the right subject, but here it is. I've post the same post on the board "Should I stay or Should I go".

I left my ex 2 years ago because I was struggling between my heart and my mind . Heart was saying stay but head was saying go. I was with him for over 5 years and loved him deeply and him too. Yes we had our issues and I always questionned our love, I felt at a point like I wasn't growing, as a person, a woman, in the relationship. And things that were supposed to improve seem just to stay at the same level.

See, I needed an out. We kept leaving each other and come back within a week. But 2 years ago, I said it was enough. Enough doubting and being anxious and broke up for real. The problem is, after 2-3 months I met another man, told him I wasn't ready to jump into something new and still did.

I never stopped comparing my current one to the old one. My ex put the bar way up high and I discovered that I took alot for granted. I never stopped loving him and thinking about him. Even my friends keep telling me I need to stop.

Sometimes I'm seating in front of my current one but thinkng about my ex. Once I even dialed my ex's number without even realizing it.

I've broke up with the current one but came back, but I still struggle. It seems like I'm just settling, when before I was truly happy.

I've come to the point where I need to see my ex because I think about him everyday now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2009
Wed, 02-03-2010 - 4:24pm

Hi fructus,

I think that you need to treat your two situations separately. Staying or breaking up with your current boyfriend should have nothing to do with whether or not you contact your ex, or be contingent upon whether or not you get back together with the ex.

If you are unhappy with your current boyfriend and

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 02-03-2010 - 5:05pm

Thank you so much for your advice.

It is two seperate things. This relationship I'm in should end in order to feel better. Than with my ex, we will see. I need to see him to see if it's still there and we would have to re-introduced and learn about each other before thinking about anything else.

One thing for sure, I should not jump into another relationship and need time to clear my head.

My ex was always kind to me and treated me with respect. One of the problems were that I felt like I was "the man" in the relationship : with him still staying with his mom and still studying and not really succeeding ni his career. I felf alot of times like

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2008
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 6:14am
I guess its more of your problem than his.You cant accept him the way he is and want him to work on him while he might be fine the way he is.
has he changed now? if not , then you will be back to where you were need to reach a compromise within yourself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 3:42pm

He might have changed, I don't know but need to find out.

I'm willing to compromise alot more because my priorities have changed and I appreciate more all the qualities he has that I took for granted. He always told me he wanted to improve and work but I felt it was all talk and didn't see enough actions.

Well, right now I'm just overwhelmed a little by all the feelings I'm going trough.
I've decided to end my current relationship especially because I feel unhappy.

Earlier this week, I was thinking about seeing my ex. But now, I think it's best for me to let some time pass. Clear my mind and just be alone for a while and recharge. I still want to see him, but he deserves me to be clear minded and I need to channel everything and calm myself.

I've come to the point where I think about him everyday and everyone tall reminds me of him. I feel like he's just around the corner and we'll bump into each other any minute now... and smile and reconnect.

My head is in Fairy tale land and we all know that such land doesn't exist.
But maybe... juste maybe... just once... I can be proven wrong...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2008
Fri, 02-05-2010 - 1:02am
A quick late night thought- you may get the instant spark and even get the rebuilding in process but the main issue will be to be able to sustain it.what do they say- to fall in love is easy but stay in love is more important- something like that.
hope iot works out for you but do remember that sustain it is th real key here
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Fri, 02-05-2010 - 9:05am

You're totally right, I completly agree with you.

Hopefully, next time I write on this board I'll have a great beautiful story to tell.

Thank you all for your advices

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Sun, 02-07-2010 - 11:32am

Well, here's an update on my situation.

I finally broke up. I have known he wasn't "the one" for me and that I could be much happier. He's a great guy but this relationship wasn't working (knew it from the start but thought I could settle).

Nobody should settle, everyone should live their best life !

So now, I'm single. I'm not sad yet, it's probably going to hit me at a certain point. But I know I had no choice in order to see a happier future for me.

As for my ex I keep thinking about, I'm not going to do anything about it. I've decided that what's in the past should stay even if I still love him. The main reason why I decided this is that I don't think he would open that door and things would probably be completly different and maybe it's better to keep the best memories out of that relationship than to rewrite one when things can be not as great. Alot of men keep gruges, therefore some doors should keep closed.

Maybe there's still a chance but now is way too soon. If it's meant to happen, it will...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2008
Tue, 02-23-2010 - 10:22am

hi there,

your story is somewhat similar to mine.