Taming the Wild Side
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Taming the Wild Side
| Sun, 05-01-2005 - 3:51pm |
Hi!
For about a month now I've been dating this guy who I'll call J. He's 8 years older than me (I'm 23) and has had the relationship experience that I don't really have. Several months ago, he ended a 7 month long relationship b/c there was no chemistry & after that he got back into the party lifestyle. Then when we met (thanks to my best friend), things kinda changed for us both. We really really hit it off. So after a few more dates, we both realized we really like each other & there's a lot of potential here for things to progress. I'm told from my best friend that he really likes me & wants things to go somewhere & I feel the same way. He thinks I'm a great girl, smart, educated, on top of things & really going somewhere in my life. He's called me 'marriage material'. This was said after our 3rd date. We both don't want things to end but we're going to take it slow for a while. So,after a month of dating, I've totally fallen for him. I trust him completely & am totally honest and open with him (the feeling is mutual). I've never been like this with a guy, even with my ex, who I dated for 3 years. This is a first for me. He makes me feel good about myself & lets me be myself. He listens to me, cares about what I have to say & is there for me when I need advice or just someone to vent to. Everything is great when we're together except for one thing. When we go out with our friends to the bar, he tends to drink a little more than he should. Thankfully though, over this last month, he's gotten better about it. But still, when he is in that condition, he says things that I don't know how to take. For example, the other night he told me that somedays he wants to dump me but other days he doesn't. He doens't know what he wants. He doesn't know what he's doing. That I'm helping to bring him back to reality. So after hearing that, I got upset. Here's me, putting my heart out on the line, telling him how I feel, wanting things to work out and go somewhere....I didn't know what to think. I still don't know! He says 'slowly but surely I'll tame him'. Is it worth it for me to stick around or will he just break my heart? Or am I crazy for falling for him after only a month? He wants to go at a 'snail pace', which at first I thought was a good idea, but as things progressed, I don't think I can. There are things I feel for him that I've never felt before for anyone! They say when you meet "The One", you know. Well, I'm pretty much at that point. But I'm so bothered Should I listen to what he says when he's intoxicated? Isn't that when a person's true feelings come out? I'm ready to jump into the water with both feet but not sure if I should. HELP!!!!
For about a month now I've been dating this guy who I'll call J. He's 8 years older than me (I'm 23) and has had the relationship experience that I don't really have. Several months ago, he ended a 7 month long relationship b/c there was no chemistry & after that he got back into the party lifestyle. Then when we met (thanks to my best friend), things kinda changed for us both. We really really hit it off. So after a few more dates, we both realized we really like each other & there's a lot of potential here for things to progress. I'm told from my best friend that he really likes me & wants things to go somewhere & I feel the same way. He thinks I'm a great girl, smart, educated, on top of things & really going somewhere in my life. He's called me 'marriage material'. This was said after our 3rd date. We both don't want things to end but we're going to take it slow for a while. So,after a month of dating, I've totally fallen for him. I trust him completely & am totally honest and open with him (the feeling is mutual). I've never been like this with a guy, even with my ex, who I dated for 3 years. This is a first for me. He makes me feel good about myself & lets me be myself. He listens to me, cares about what I have to say & is there for me when I need advice or just someone to vent to. Everything is great when we're together except for one thing. When we go out with our friends to the bar, he tends to drink a little more than he should. Thankfully though, over this last month, he's gotten better about it. But still, when he is in that condition, he says things that I don't know how to take. For example, the other night he told me that somedays he wants to dump me but other days he doesn't. He doens't know what he wants. He doesn't know what he's doing. That I'm helping to bring him back to reality. So after hearing that, I got upset. Here's me, putting my heart out on the line, telling him how I feel, wanting things to work out and go somewhere....I didn't know what to think. I still don't know! He says 'slowly but surely I'll tame him'. Is it worth it for me to stick around or will he just break my heart? Or am I crazy for falling for him after only a month? He wants to go at a 'snail pace', which at first I thought was a good idea, but as things progressed, I don't think I can. There are things I feel for him that I've never felt before for anyone! They say when you meet "The One", you know. Well, I'm pretty much at that point. But I'm so bothered Should I listen to what he says when he's intoxicated? Isn't that when a person's true feelings come out? I'm ready to jump into the water with both feet but not sure if I should. HELP!!!!

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Maybe I"m being too hard on him? It's not like he's a total jerk or anything related to that. It's just that he says stupid things and I don't know how to take them. he's mr wonderful any other time. Lately though, things have been getting better. He even said the other night that the bar/club scene is getting old for him. So, that's a good sign/start right? Maybe he's finally starting to realize he needs to get his crap together if he wants to be with me?
We finally did have a talk a few nights ago about things and he agreed with me that he can't keep on like this. I found out that his parents didn't have the best relationship either. So maybe that's why he's 'confused' and taking things slow. He really didn't have a mother growing up. He's slowly starting to realize that going out and drinking isn't all it's cracked up to be. Is he starting to come back down to earth? I think so. As I mentioned in one of my previous posts, he said that it was 'getting old' (referencing the club/bar scene) I really let him know how I felt a few days ago & that seemed to get him going. I'm not saying we'll never go 'out' again but it's starting to become more like a relationship is supposed to be, which I take as a good sign. So maybe me finally speaking up helped?
Thank you because I thought I was crazy for falling for him after about a month! We have one part out of the way and that's the fact taht we're both comfortable with each other. It feels as if we've known each other for years. We're both actually getting our stuff together. I'll be graduting college in a few weeks and will be closing on my home about the same time. So once I have that out of the way, I'll just about have all my stuff together. So maybe he's just waiting for me to get those two things out of the wya before we pick up the pace? I know it's important to him that I graduate. He wants to give me my space to finish up things for classes & have more time.
When I think about things with a clear head, like when him and I talked a few days ago, things within my mind are peaceful and there are no doubts. I have a tendency to overanalyze things and I can over react to things. After our talk though, I don't have those doubts anymore. I finally just got it all out in the open and that seemed to really help. I guess we'll see where it goes from here! :)
You might want to reread my previous post. I was by no stretch of the imagination indicating that I think the two of you are ready for a serious relationship.
Honestly, it sounds like both of you still have a lot of self-exploration to do before you're ready for something more serious.
That doesn't mean you shouldn't relax and try to enjoy this relationship, just don't enter into it expect it to be true love and end in marriage. That wouldn't be realsitic. Usually as people leanr about themselves they tend to grow away from the people they are currently with becasue the process takes years and to a point is never ending. It takes someone reallt special to be with you as you grow and change as a person throughout your life.
That's not to say he couldn't possibly turn out to be that special, just don't start planning that June 2006 wedding in your head just yet. Enjoy the process, the journey your about to take and try to let yourself enjoy being with him.
If it really is meant to be he'll be with you at the end and the loving feelings you have now for each other will still be there two. Just don't let your focus drift from you learning and growing as a person to focusing on what you have to do to make the relationship work. What works for you will work for a relationhsip that is meant to be.
I think it all depends on what you're looking for. Are you looking for a long-term relationship that could possibly lead to marriage? If so, this isn't the guy.
If you're just looking for a friend, someone to hang out with, not get too emotionally involved with, then go for it. Who knows. Maybe in a few years he'll mature and be different, but don't count on it.
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