tell me if I screwed this up permanently

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2005
tell me if I screwed this up permanently
11
Fri, 09-23-2005 - 9:25pm

This is my first post here, so sorry to just jump right in, but I really need some advice from people who don't know me :).

This guy we'll call The Republican Operative (no one famous, don't worry, I'm not Washingtonienne) was pursuing me for several months, with calls, emails, invitations to lunch and coffee, lots of compliments, etc. As soon as we were both single, Operative asked me out and we had a great time. We didn't have intercourse but we did have oral sex. For several days after, he stopped calling, emailing, and everything. One would assume that he got what he was interested in and was done.

Skip to the next weekend, when he shows up at the same club my friends and I are at. He talks to me but makes a point of not dancing with me and when I ask him what's wrong, he tells me that I'm expecting too much if I want to go out with him more than once a week! I was quite hurt. He left the club, but one of his friends stayed. We'll call him Moby. Moby and I hit it off, danced, kissed, etc. I just assumed that Operative was not interested and that Moby knew that, otherwise why would he dance with me?

Anyway, I was on the rebound and needed to get some urges out of my system, so I went home with Moby. Turns out not only are they best friends, but they own condos across the hall from each other. Seriously, I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. So we hook up, I leave, and Operative is sitting outside. He had a pile of cigarette butts next to him, so I guess he'd been there nearly the whole time. Operative proceeds to tell me that he was falling in love with me and wanted a relationship with me, but now he never wants to speak to me again and his friendship with Moby is over.

I might have guessed Operative was playing hard-to-get because he has low self-esteem, but if The Rules have taught us anything, it's that you move on if a guy says he's not interested.

My questions:
1. Can I ever get Operative's friendship back? I can accept we'll never be in a romantic relationship, but I really enjoyed being with him as a friend.

2. If he never speaks to me again, how the hell do I get him out of my head? As it is, I don't know why I'm thinking about him so much, other than I'm really mad at myself and feel like I should've given him the benefit of the doubt, in retrospect.

Also, for the record, I'm not usually this slutty. Just had to say that.

Thanks for reading all of this. Any advice on #1, #2, or both would be greatly appreciated!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2005
Wed, 10-19-2005 - 11:15pm

I just wanted to give an update on my sitch.

We're friends again! I tried hard to forget about the Operative, went on lots of dates with other guys, but couldn't stop thinking about him. I decided I might as well give it one last shot, so I sent him an email. Mostly I just apologized and said I missed him and told him if he really didn't want me in his life, just let me know and I'll give up. He wrote back with some of his thoughts, we exchanged a few more emails, and then he asked me out for drinks. Things are almost back to normal, I think. He's been dating alot too, though he says he hasn't really liked any of the girls, but who knows what that really means.

I'm not sure if he wants more than friendship though. He asked me to come home with him after our date. I went but told him I wasn't ready for sex. He tried pretty hard to persuade me, but this time it was more like just asking me over and over again, instead of like before when he would at least pay me compliments and stuff like that.

My biggest fear now is that he is trying to sleep with me and then never talk to me again, to get back at me for what I did. He swears that he is really into me and that he'd never do that to me, but those are just words. I guess all I can do is be patient, watch his actions carefully, and hope he feels the same way about me now as he did before this whole debacle.

Does anyone have any thoughts on how I should move forward? You gals are great at advice :).

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