That's it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2005
That's it?
5
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 4:31pm

i need some advice--i know it's long, but please read:

there is this guy that i have been seeing...but there is a little bit of a story that i feel i should explain so that you all can get the full jest of the situation. we met about a year ago and he HEAVILY persued me. i was absolutely not interested in anything other than a friendship then, but he never gave up. he was always happy to get any time from me; a quick breakfast before work, ice cream after work, quick lunch on the weekend or he would just stop by my office and bring me starbucks (i love starbucks). he would call after a night out with his friends just because he "wanted to hear my voice before he went to bed". i did spend some time with him but when i noticed that he was getting way too attached i backed off.

he was called off to war. i didn't hear from him the first couple of months (really didn't expect to hear from him at all). then he called me from iraq, i was excited to hear from him--i had really begun to regret the way that i pushed him away before he left. so we talked on the phone whenever that option was available to him or wrote each other. i still was not interested in anything other than a platonic relationship still, but didn't want to tell him so while he was away. i figured that it wouldn't matter anyway--i think people's feelings get a little skewed when they are placed in situations like that. thought maybe he was only holding on because he was over there.

well, he's back now. the first weekend that he was back we went out to a baseball game (i figured that i at least owed him the respect of seeing if maybe something romantic could develop before i just dismissed him). unexpectedly, i felt something for him. i absolutely enjoyed his company. so, we started talking a lot and hanging out a lot. i genuinely care for this guy and from his behavior towards me i thought everything was completely mutual.

the dilemma....this past couple of weeks i get the impression that he is now losing interest! after a year of persuing me i finally reciprocate his feelings and he is being dismissive. frankly, i'm very irritated. his calls have dramatically deminished and he never initiates the time we spend together. everything has done a complete 180. i'm so confused as to what happened here! was it the challenge that kept him going?

for those who've actually taken the time to read this lengthy story....what now? my instinct is just to throw my hands up and move on. although it will be hard, i think that i should completely quit calling and just leave him alone.

men and women...please provide some insight as to what the heck happened here and what i should do now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 4:50pm
My advise is that life is fuc8ed up like that sometimes. That used to happen to me a lot before. I would not really like somebody and then fall for them and their feelings would usually change by that time. Anyhow, just play it cool. Try to remember how you treated him before and how he was very receptive to that. You shouldn't have to pull back like that BUT see what happens. Maybe he is just going through some stuff of his own and you;re taking it to personal? I've done that as well. Try to go back to your old ways and bait him that way. OR just walk away and don't waste your time. I think you like him though so pursue it, I mean he did for a while right? Best of luck!
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 5:19pm

Some people just like the chase, and lose interest when the object of their affection starts reciprocating. Sounds like that's what happened here.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 5:45pm

I'm also wondering how much the war affected him. That could also have a part in this.

If you are up for the risk, I'd tell him that you're NOW interested, and see where he stands. He could be scared of getting hurt, cuz you've pulled away so much, that he's not pulling away. He could like the chase. The war could've affected HIM A LOT!

I'd talk to him about it. About ALL of that. Feelings, what is going on, the war, etc.

~pineapple_girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 8:27am

I TOTALLY agree with pineapplegirl. Talk to him!!!

You can't base a relationship on guess work and you can't find real love without being just a little courageous. So, I think you really need to step up and take the chance and tell him that in the time you've known each other you've grown as a person and you now see all the things that might make him a great romantic partner and that you'd like to give it a shot if he's still up for it.

It may be that the only reaosn he's backing off is because you're coming on stronger and he's feeling things more then ever and is, rightfully, afraid that you still aren't intersted. Nobody likes being strung along and he's probably afraid that's exactly what you're doing.

He was once brave enough to tell you how he felt. Return the favor.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 10:51am

Given the length of time that he pursued you and going off to war and just getting back to life here... a lot could have happened.

Steffy
CO-cl of Is It Meant to Be?