Is there anything better than this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2005
Is there anything better than this?
5
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 7:32pm

I'm new to this board... but since you are discussing relationships I want to ask you a few things... Is there really anything like the love in your dreams... I mean that you get everything that you want, that your guy treats you like a princess, that you are both romantic and appreciate the same things. That you two are soulmates who can talk about everything? That he's the one you want to see every day and can't imagine spending your life without?

I have had something like this.. when I was 18 years old. But that only lasted 4 months and it didn't even contain all this. But we were very young.

Since then I have had lots of flirts and dated a few guys for a couple of weeks. But now I have a boyfriend since 4 months ago (again). The thing is that we don't have any of the things I described above. Our first date was really good and a few days following that day. I thought this could turn out to be something really good. He said so nice things to me and I thought everything was perfect. But only after a few days I was fed up with him and stopped calling. But then somehow he convinced to get back into it. Sometimes I have felt very happy to have him and felt how I really liked him. But just as many times I have felt why am I with this man, it doesn't make me happy. And it shouldn't be like that in the beginning of a relationship.

He's a good guy, he would never do anything to hurt me, he would never cheat, he's funny and easy to talk to and we have similar values in life. But it's like we don't have that special connection. We don't have much in common at all. He can be very egoistic. He has a hard time doing anything for me that he doesn't have an interest in. We have not been romantic at all in this relationship. I told him how I missed that and he said it's just girls who wants that stuff. He became better though, but now it's back to normal again. We are not like we say sweet things to each other all the time, I can't make myself say those things. Or have inside jokes or anything like that..

I know this sounds like a lousy relationship, but I know he likes me a lot. I like him too but it's not like I feel "oh I love him so" when I wake up beside him.
I'm 21 now. I'm just afraid I'm too picky, that I should be happy for what I've got, that there is someone..
My main question is if it could be better or if I should be happy for what I've got?
Thanks you guys!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2005
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 11:06pm
You are still young. You probably have just barely begun to understand yourself, much less this guy. It's hard to break up with some one you feel close to, so I'm not saying you should do it. Just make sure you always leave the back door open so you can leave whenyou've had enough. I'm in a similar situation except that we have been together for 1.5 years, live next to each other, and our kids have become good friends (we each have one from previous relaitonships). It's a tough decision to make. We can't hope to find perfection- it doesn't exsist. But we can hope to find happiness at least 85% of the time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 11:59pm

I've found what I'm looking for (we've been together for 13 years), but I look for different things to you. And honestly, I think that my ideals are a little easier to find.

I don't look for someone who treats me as a princess - I look for someone who treats me as an equal. I don't look for romance - I look for thoughtfulness. Who needs flowers when he'll make me a cup of tea when I'm tired?

We don't appreciate the same things (he likes soccer and I like scrapbooking), but we have the same morals, beliefs and ethics.

But we love to be together and we can talk about anything.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 11-16-2005 - 10:00am

Welcome to the board… I will tell you that everything you dream a relationship can be is out there and then some. I know I have settled as you have right now and figured this is what I should do because it is close enough. I have since left that and went through a series of dating people who I always let know what I wanted and how I expected things to be and got no results. SO again I began to settle for less then what I wanted and what I would always tell others they should have. I stopped and actually stopped looking for someone to be all those things and was happy and content with myself when I met my current guy and even then I figured this would be just a friendship and nothing more. He was all those things you mentioned and everything I wanted. Someone who was worldly and I could talk to about anything. He treats me like gold even six months later. He is very affectionate and not more then I want. He lets know he does not see us not being together and I see it also. The flaws he has I can deal with and that of mine he is ok and we just mesh greatly. So do not settle go for what you want because it is out there.

Marie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2005
Fri, 11-18-2005 - 11:35pm

Don't settle.

I just got out of a 4 year relationship and felt similar feelings to yours. He was great- we had a ton to talk about, he was nice, smart, funny, etc. But i just didn't really love him. I had doubt from the first kiss and always wondered if there is anything better or if I should just be happy with what I had.

Well, after 4 years of doubt and wondering, i finally ended it. And I'm so happy I did. It's one thing to be with someone that loves you, but it sucks when you don't love them back.

Now, I don't know if there is that great love out there, cause I haven't found it. But I've only been single for about 3 months now. While i was half-expecting to bump into my soulmate the day after I ended my relationship, I realize now i need to have some time to get to know me again and that love will come eventually.

So while I can't say that I'm positive that something better will come, I can say that i'm happy i'm not stuck in a relationship out of fear of loneliness or fear that I can't find something better. So, don't settle.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2005
Sat, 11-19-2005 - 3:06am

Yeah, you're right. You do have a lousy relationship. You're only 21 and smart. After all, you came to the right place. There's a great deal of wisdom shared and to be learned on this board.

Be young, happy, fall in love, have fun and experience life. SO DON'T YOU SETTLE EVER. Even if the guy likes you a lot you have to have that "lovin feelin" as well. Someone better will definitely come your way. Have a wonderful time searching for the great love you hope for and well deserve. Good luck.