Is there something wrong with me???
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Is there something wrong with me???
| Fri, 07-01-2005 - 1:38pm |
I am 40, he is 38. We live together in my home with my 17 year old daughter. We hve been together for a little over 4 years. Heres the problem, no matter where we go I get totally ignored. He drinks, I don't. He will walk away from me and leave me standing alone and to fend for myself. He may come up to me twice during an entire evening for a few seconds the rest of the time I never see him or hear from him. He hangs out with those who does what he does. He always comes up with excuses as to why he doesnt want to go out for dinner or whatever unless of course his friends wants us or him to go. When we entertain at our home he goes to the garage or somewhere to stay clear of me or at least thats the way I see it. On several occasions, when we went to dinner I would see him staring at another woman and her staring back. When I talk to him he ignores me than when I brought it to his attention he says that he always is aware of his surroundings and because of my insecurities he doesnt want to take me out. The other night he told me that I was the reason he smokes and drinks so much. ????????????????????????????

If you mean, does he act this way because something is wrong with you, then the answer is no. But I would question whether you have good self-esteem and/or emotional health to stay with a man who treats you this way for so long!!! That's not meant to be a slam, just a statement of concern.
Here's hoping you find the strength to kick him out soon.
Sheri
Gee, I think this guy would come home one day (like today) and find all his stuff on the curb and the locks changed.
Move into MY house treat me this way?
I don't think so.
Show your daughter how it's done.
First you are not responsible for another persons actions. If you had that kind of power I am sure that our government would be paying you millions...LOL. Sounds like he may not like what he sees when he looks in the mirror and instead of fixing it he projects the blame onto you. It probably makes him feel good/superior/important when he is ignoring you, or blaming you. Could be a self esteem issue on his part, but you can not let it effect your self esteem. We are all unique and wonderful in our own way and deserve the respect for our qualities. He needs to appreciate you and respect you. Maye you can tell him that, his answer will give you the information you need to make choices for you and your kid. Good luck and I hope I did not offend you for being a bit harsh on your guy :)
Take care.
He dismisses your feelings, blames you and igornes you. NOT GOOD.
Before you kick him out, do two things.
1) Read Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and determine if there is a chance that while you love him, he may not feel love. We already know that you don't feel loved based on his actions.
2) Take him for a walk away from the house and talk to him: 'we are all responsible for our own feelings and our own actions. I've been thinking about some of things that have been said recently and I was hoping I could get a few of them clarified....you said I'm the reason you drink and smoke so much, could you clarify?'
Then let him talk, if he will. Don't defend yourself no matter what he says. If he does blame you, ask him if he really believes it or if it could be that the smoking and drinking are a way of escaping unhappiness, reliving stress and it's easier to blame you?
If the conversation goes well, then at the end bring up counseling....would you be willing to go with me to couple's counseling to see if we can improve our relationship or are we ready to move on?
Carrie
Yes!!!!! Because you are choosing to stay with a man who mistreats you. He ignores you, disrespects you, then blames you for his own destructive behavior wtf? He is manipulative, and he doesn't care about you, and he is telling you this with his own actions-With men ALWAYS believe what you see.
Don't waste any more time on this loser, and never compromise yourself for a man, it will damage your self esteem and that is the worse thing a woman can loose.
Lose him, and gain your confidence back, this is sexy... trust me it will rain men.
Blessings,
Raegan