Is there such a thing as fate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2006
Is there such a thing as fate?
52
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 4:12pm
How many people here actually believe in fate? Do you believe that if something is meant to be it just will be? That if you sit back and do nothing everything will work out the way it should? I don't know...I'm not sure if I do truly believe things work themselves out. I think there is such a thing as fate but it only takes you so far, then it's up to you to make it happen. I met someone recently and he's everything I've always wanted and I'm everything he's ever wanted. Problem is he's found himself in a rebound relationship and doesn't know how to get out of it. He's afraid that if he leaves her for me there will be this dark cloud over our relationship and it will be "tainted". He knows that we are meant to be together but that this isn't the right time. I'm trying hard to understand where he is coming from but since I don't share his beliefs in fate I find it hard to understand. Right now we are living seperate lives and trying not to contact one another. Is it really going to just magically work out or will he just forget about me now?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 4:17pm

You said - "I think there is such a thing as fate but it only takes you so far, then it's up to you to make it happen."

I agree with you. Fate can offer opportunity but it is up to you to do something about it. Choice and Freewill are things we own and are responsible for in our lives. I don't think fate ever produces a result. Our choice of actions do that.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 4:22pm

I do believe that some things are meant to be, but that we have to act prudently and reasonably in order for them to happen (as opposed to being foolishly passive).

In this situation, if it were meant to be between you and this guy, he would end his rebound relationship and after a reasonable period of time for him to get over it, the two of you would get together. It's not going to "magically work out" unless he takes initial action to end his current relationship. But there's nothing YOU can do about that...that's up to him.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 4:23pm

delusionangel...

Pianoguy doesn't believe there's a "one size fits all" answer to your question!

Some of us have to push the car to the nearest service after it has stalled out...while others wait for a passing motorist with cables to "jumpstart" our engine!

The same holds true for romance, love and relationships.

Maybe I'm in the minority here, but I get the impression that the man you're seeing is using his "rebound romance" as an excuse NOT TO SEE YOU? The BIG question is..."are you willing to continue waiting around until he makes up his mind about you?"

Or would you rather go for a SURE THING?

To quote singer, Reba McEntire: "IT'S YOUR CALL?"

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2006
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 4:30pm

Oh I'm not waiting around for him and he knows it. He said as much as he wanted me to he would never ask me to do that. He really believes that we will be together but not until we are supposed to be. I'm just afraid that his supposed to be will be be too late. I would hate to end up without him because of all this fate stuff but I will live my live and date....and if I do happen to meet someone else then it's his loss. But do you think that "what if" feeling will always be there?

As for the rebound girl....he does not love her but he thinks he has to stay with her because there are still things she neds to show him..whatever that means

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 5:29pm

delusionalangel...

As spice.man indicated earlier...PG also believes that LIFE CHAPTERS are formed by the choices we make!

Our feelings about a job, a relationship, the city in which we choose to live...any number of variables...can (and will) affect each of us differently.

Although you DON'T have an ivillage profile to reference, I'm willing to bet that you're smart enough to know what REAL LOVE is...as opposed to 'a plain old desire' for somebody?

Am I right?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2006
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 6:07pm
What if this is love? Do I just throw it away because it's too much work?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 9:59pm
Words are important; they have meaning. But without action to back them up they are total B.S. ! Your guy sounds like the King of B.S. I suggest you move on - find yourself a man whose words and actions match each other! Iri
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2006
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 10:17am
I know it's not B.S. He just really believes this is the only way things will work out between us. I understand most of where he's coming from, I'm just not so certain of the whole fate thing. I have a hard time believing that there's already this plan laid out that we just need to follow. Life isn't like that, it's a mess...it's chaos personified. If there is such a thing as fate it's only designed to send us little signs and it's how we read those signs that determines wherther or not we're happy. He promises things will work themselves out but how can they? What if it's too late? Life can be taken away from us at any random moment. And if you don't make an effort to be happy you won't be happy. There's a point when your maybe laters become too late. I just don't want to miss out on a good thing because of some silly belief, you know? But what can I do....things will never be right with him any other way. He's gotta do what he feels is right but I still don't have to like it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 9:41pm
I think this is actually a pretty simple matter. A guy is emotionally involved with 2 gals and can't decide which he wants so he pretends to be there for girl #1 while telling girl #2 she is his soul-mate behind girl #1's back. He's basically two-timing girl #1. If he was any kind of responsible adult male he would make a decision about who he wants to be with and not keep you hanging with pretty yet ultimately meaningless words. Iri
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2006
Sat, 09-02-2006 - 2:22pm

I can relate to what you're going through and really feel the ball is in our court to give them space and time to reflect on what they want - without stoping our lives.

I am in a similar situation. I ran into a guy recently I had met a little over a year ago and spent a night of really nice conversation/intimacy with but never contacted him afterwards. It was a wonderful night and I look back on it quite often. That night, he gave me his home and cell numbers but I never called him because I was in the same position this guy you like is in. (I was in a two+ year relationship - that should have ended before it took off - and felt my then boyfriend owed me something and always seemed to have hopes that he would follow through with his word. But he never did. I waited around for him only to break up with him a year after meeting this great guy.)

When I went up to this guy from a year ago, he seemed excited to see me. He immediately asked what I've been up to to which I responded, "maybe we can grab coffee sometime and I'll fill you in". He asked if he could get in touch with me and claimed to have been really 'bummed' when I didn't call him. We spoke for about a week and a half; the conversatoins were meaningful and around 20 minutes, and he would say he'd call me to see what I was up to for the weekend or during the week.

Then one day he told me he'd call and he didn't. He contact me the next day and immediately apologized for not calling me and goes into telling me he's been dating someone for a month and thought he could date multiple people, but realized he cannot since it wasn't in his character. To which I completely respected and appreciated his honesty (it would have meant more had he told me from the start, but it wasn't like we had an official date either.) He proceeds to tell me he'd like to hold onto my number because even though it's only been a month with the other girl, there are already issues and one of these issues is that she lives too far away! I pretty much told him I wasn't going to be second best... and somehow the conversation ended up being nearly a 4 hour phone conversation. During this time, he continues saying he likes me because of this and that and he can see that I'm this way and we share a lot of similar interests and upbringing, etc etc.... when I made the statement "but?" he replied, "there is no but." At the end of the phone converstaion, he reiterates all this again and says he needs to figure out why 'people' come back into people's lives... to which I replied, "please don't contact me until you've figured out what it is you want." (Any comments regarding this situation would be welcomed!)

Now it's up to me to move on because I saw him just last night and he was with the other girl. Either he's holding onto a grudge since I didn't contact him over a year ago, or he's truly not interested, or the more obvious - he really doesn't know what he wants.

We cannot stop living our lives to fullfil someone else's fantasy. If it's 'meant to be,' let the matter take it's course and let it happen. In the meantime, I'm going on with my life and if he ever calls, the ball will be in my court.

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