think i am screwing it up
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| Sat, 06-18-2005 - 1:02am |
okay first time poster here....
I met the greatest guy ever...I have never felt this way about anyone before in my life, that includes the guy i was with for 10 years. But my issue is i think i am slowly becoming what i always despised in women (so far i have been hiding it from him he really has no clue to my feelings) i have become jealous!~!!
Okay we moved in together after knowing eachother for only a month, we both felt such great strong feelings for eachother that on both ends that it just seemed silly for us to hold off and wait. But slowly i have realized i am falling even more in love with him as each day passes, and the more and more i find out about him the more i am positive i made the right move. But now i have started to feel jealpousy that is completely unfounded for a relationship he had that ended 3 years ago, i once saw a picture of him and his ex in an old school year book (they were together for about 5 years), he lost his virginity to her they travled europe together and all these things i find i am jealous of.
They don't ever keep in touch she cheated on him and is married with 2 kids, and i know he holds no feelings for her, but yet i find myself still jealous of this relationship....
What is going on with me, i know i can be with this guy forever, and i know he loves me as much as i love him, but i find myself so insucure so vulerable...i constantly think i should just break up with him now because if he suddenly changes his mind it would kill me.
I was married before and i had control of the relationship...i married this guy because he was so safe, but realized soon that i wanted passion and love not just safty. But now that i have passion and love all i want to do is run.
okay is my question is how do i control these feelings?
Is it possible to be too much in love?
I trust this guy completely when we moved in the first thing he did was give me all his bank info, bought me a new car, and added me onto his morgage so i never felt that i was living in his house that it was now OUR house....what more proof do i need?
am i crazy?


I know just how you feel. I almost ruined my relationship with my fiance in the beginning because I was so jealous of a female friend of his. I had legitimate reasons to believe she had a thing for him but I had no reason to believe he returned those feelings.
Like you I spent entirely too much time worrying about it. It took over a year to get completely over it and like you I did my best to hide it when those feelings came up. I couldn't completely and I knew I couldn't so from the beginning I was honest about it. I told him that I was jelaous that I couldn't help it and that I felt vulnerable and more then slightly scared. I told him I knew it wasn't logical but that if I acted a little psycho I needed him to do his best to reassure me and have faith it would pass and I'd get over it with time.
I've never actually met this girl and the only concession to my insecurity I'm making is that she isn't invited to the wedding unless I meet her before it. I know it's going to be a wondeful and stressful day and I just don't want the added stress of meeting this girl for the first time that day. He understands.
The best advice I can give you is to confide in him and let him know what's going on but continue to try to talk yourself down from those irrational thoughts when you have them. The less you give in to them the less frequently they happen.
I wont lie it, isn't easy but it can be done. It also sounds like you have another issue I struggled with. You are used to feeling in control. You're not used to having the degree of uncertainity you're experiencing and not being able to control it. You have to learn to accept that. In theory you are now in a relationship with you're equal, not someone who needs you and wont leave you but someone who is strong and emotionally healthy and can stand on his own and that can be a little disconserting at first.
You get used to things being lopsided where you're confident the guy lacked the strength to leave you even if the realtionship bottomed out. Now you're not so sure and believe it or not that IS a GOOD thing, it just takes some getting used to.
I know my fiance can live without me and I wouldn't have it any other way, because I know we're together not because we need each other or because he is too weak to leave but because it's what we both want. After you adjust to it, it's the best feeling in the world knowing that the only reaosn someone is with you is because it's where they WANT to be.
You just have to let go of your need to feel in control. Trust me it's okay to do it. Control is an illusion anyway.