Think I said I love you too soon, oh no!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2005
Think I said I love you too soon, oh no!
4
Wed, 04-15-2009 - 11:42am
Last week my boyfriend of a little over two months said I love you to me, and I had been feeling sometimes like I loved him, sometimes like I wanted to say it, so I said it back. I felt nervous about it, but then we had a wonderful weekend: we had a great dinner (GREAT) with my parents where I was so proud of him and he was so charming, he met my friend who also adored him, I met his parents , and we spent every second together basically. Sunday night we began talking about what we thought our parents thought of the other one.And around that time I began to feel a undercurrent of anxiety: anxiety about the fact that while I was having a lovely, even blissful time, was what I feeling love? And did I speak too soon? All the "i love you" stuff over the weekend had felt great and right, all the meeting of the friends and family too, but all the same I began to feel nervous about all the intensity of everyone meeting everyone, and the seriousness of "I love you". I felt I should take a little time maybe at my own place, not sleeping over every night, but I continued to stay over at his place and last night my friend came over to my boyfriend's to watch a show and eat pizza. During the night I found my boyfriend at times annoying, and I was annoyed with him, embarassed even in front of my friend--my BF seemed a little too eager, dorky, bad jokes, trying too hard..those kind of things. After my friend left my BF said: "I felt like I was annoying you, I felt like you didn't like me." And that opened up a big conversation in which basically in it I established I think we do need to slow down a little in terms of time spent together. THAT part I feel ok about. The part that I am really struggling with his question, and the "I love you" part. I do have doubts about my feelings, and he doesn't about his. "I love you" feels loaded and scary to me to say and hear, because that's what my BF is afraid of, that I DON'T love him, and to be honest, I don't know what I'm feeling, and I feel so anxious about it--sometimes it's felt totally right and natural and pure, and then other times, I feel fake and inauthentic and like "maybe I don't love this person".
I feel awful and fake and we now have a LOT of plans together: trips, parental dinners, friend events...and I feel that pressure too. And plus after our conversation, my BF is understandably shaken and feels insecure about us, and I don't see how I can reassure him.
I know you can't go back, and that's what I'm terrified about. I don't want to break up, I WANT to see where this could go but at the same time I think I spoke too soon and feel terrible...what can I do? I feel like I should be honest about my doubts..shouldn't I?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Wed, 04-15-2009 - 12:59pm

I think two months of dating is way too soon for a statement like that. Clearly it was too soon for you, if you are having doubts and find him irritating already. It's also not a good idea to plan tons of stuff together. Remember you are in the TRIAL/PROBATION period of a "relationship", things could go any way, the way you are as a couple now will be totally different in a few months or years if it goes that far.

Your boyfriend should feel a little insecure about your feelings because that's what relationships are like at 2 months, you're never 100% sure. It's just TOO soon to tell.

Moving this relationship too quickly can seriously damage it. Back off and slow down, don't say "I love you" unless you mean it with all your heart and without a doubt. Don't plan any more trips together. Take some time off, see him every couple of days and not every day. See friends without him. Live your own life and you will be more confident.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
Wed, 04-15-2009 - 6:08pm

Just because he says he's sure of his feelings and you still have some doubts, it doesn't mean that his love is necessarily stronger or any more real than yours. It took me some time to feel confident about my feelings to my husband when we are dating, and now we are happily married nearly 10 years later. On the other hand, I've known people who said they were sure they loved somebody after a few months of being together, but then changed their tune and said they may have been wrong later on.

I think two months is usually too early to be able to tell how things are going to go. It's fine to hit the rewind button on a relationship if you feel things are moving too fast. It's also good to take some time apart and maintain some individuality even after you've been together for a while.

As far as how to reassure him, you're sure you still want to be with him. You're sure there are lots of times when you're very happy to be with him and you feel like saying, "I love you" to him so just let him know those things.

Just try to take things one step at a time and see how it goes. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Wed, 04-15-2009 - 10:16pm
Just my two cents -- if you were really in love -- you wouldnt be feeling any "pressure" or questionning anything.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2006
Thu, 04-16-2009 - 7:27am

Veronica52379,


Welcome to the board! It seems like you both have rushed into something and it isn't necessarily what you may want. After two months, you both should still be getting to know each other, not making all these serious plans that most committed couples do. I'm pretty sure the reason you were annoyed by him that night was because you didn't want to be there in the first place so anything he did or said bothered you.


You need to be honest with yourself and him too. Don't keep going along with what it because you don't want to hurt him or because you kind of want to. Be sure before you take such big steps, and say how you feel. You don't want to be stuck in an even worse situation(living together too soon etc.,) and find that its even harder to get out of. Talk to him, he deserves your honesty at the very least.


Good Luck :)