Threesomes!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Threesomes!
12
Mon, 12-19-2005 - 3:22pm
Hi All:
Okay so 4 those of u who don't know. I'm dating my HS sweetheart. I'm now 26 & he's 28. We've been dating since b4 Thanksgiiving & things are moving really fast. We went away 4 the weekend this past weekend & we spend all our weekends together. I guess it doesnt seem so weird b/c we were inseperable then & so I guess part of us just feels right picking up where we left off. The thing is that we have mentioned having a threesome. I had one when I was like 21 or 22ish & not since. I was wondering if any of you have experienced or know of people who have had threesomes & whether it could potentially ruin a relationship or not affect it at all. I'm comfortable doing it but I dont want it to ruin what we now share, any comments?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2003
In reply to: exzhellraisr
Mon, 12-19-2005 - 4:03pm
i used to be friends w/ a couple that was into that. NOT A GOOD IDEA if you want this relationship to continue. You can never make a relationship work if someone else is involved...even if its "just physical". Jealosy comes out of it, trust issues arise...my friends' marriage has suffered BIG TIME because of it...I sat up w/ the wife MANY nights w/ her being a basket case because of it all! Think before you jump! My advice, step back from that cliff...you are only asking for trouble!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
In reply to: exzhellraisr
Mon, 12-19-2005 - 4:05pm
You see part of it seems adventurous to me and then the other part is like what you said. I don't know what I'm gonna do!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2003
In reply to: exzhellraisr
Mon, 12-19-2005 - 4:11pm
Oh, I understand it seems adventurous...I was almost drawn into it. Its BAD news, trust me! Think of it this way...thoughts will probably begin coming up such as "I wonder if he likes her more than me now" or "Does he call her when I'm not around?" If either of you are the jealous type then this will be a BAD idea...if either of you have even the slightest confidence issues, DON'T DO IT...
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
In reply to: exzhellraisr
Mon, 12-19-2005 - 4:24pm

In my opinion, threesomes can never work unless everyone involved is on the same level (just friends, strangers, whatever) but once you involve two people in a relationship (especially your relationship) it is usually disastrous. I could never watch someone I cared about in that way be intimate with someone else, it would make me sick to my stomach.

If I were you I would steer clear of it if you want to have a healthy relationship. I just think it will bring a lot of baggage into your intimacy, and intensify any insecurities or jealousy you may have (which we ALL have to a degree).

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
In reply to: exzhellraisr
Mon, 12-19-2005 - 4:34pm
I think you're all right!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: exzhellraisr
Mon, 12-19-2005 - 4:45pm

This is only for someone who knows how to seperate it. Many couples do this and have good lives. I have met many swingers, many you wouldn't know because of how close they are. But, as it has been said in the opther posts if you have esteem issuses, a bit of jealousy then it is not for you. You have to be comfortable in that relationship and with that person and know them enough that it is recreation.

Marie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2005
In reply to: exzhellraisr
Tue, 12-20-2005 - 3:56pm

Are you comfortable watching him penetrate and give oral to another woman?

Is that going to cause you to be jealous or upset when he looks at other women in the mall or question his desire for you and his fidelity?

Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
In reply to: exzhellraisr
Tue, 12-20-2005 - 4:50pm
well.....when you put it in those terms probably not. I thought I would do it and be fine but maybe not. I mean part of the idea seems fun and exciting but then I think that the aftermath is too much for me to deal with. As of now Idont think that I will be able to do this but I will keep you all posted!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: exzhellraisr
Tue, 12-20-2005 - 5:07pm
Just thought I'd add this. I know a lady who is raising a child that her husband fathered froma
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2005
In reply to: exzhellraisr
Tue, 12-20-2005 - 5:21pm

HEre's the thing.

I think if he's discussing it as an option...he's going to do it. He believes it's fine to do.....and maybe he's thought thru the aftermath - maybe not.

But if he's discussing it as an option, he wants to do it.

That'd be something to consider as to whether to continue the relationship or not. If you're goin to continuously be hassled about it, threatened with it.....is this something you want to deal with.

It really hits as a topic about "what you believe sex is" - which is not something alot of people explore until the aftermatho f feelings hit as a result of a situation. But feelings aren't facts, goals, calls to action, tools of cognition, or beliefs.

So feelings are the result of a situation...and you have to explore the elements of the situation as to the relevance and value of them - to find out what is causing you to feel what you feel.

If you believe that sex is something that is an act shared between two consenting adults for physical gratiifcationa nd stress relief - period. then casual sex is fine, and probably multiple partner sex is fine. Because you don't equate sex with love - or with feelinsg of respect nad admiration for the opposite sex as a gender, or the individual you're in bed with at the time specifically either.

You'd be the type that could pick someone up - go out behind the bar and "do them"- - go back in and find someone else and it WOULD NOT BE ABOUT CONQUEST. It'd be about instant gratification FOR YOU......you'd be figuring anything they involved in - you weren't responsible for thier feelings, their attitudes, their expectations.

If you believe that sex - which alot of people use as a barrier, a fence or gate, or an indicator of some other element.........is something beyond "wham, bam, thank ya ma'am" yeehaa get down there on your knees little doggie and lick.......then when you bring more people into it....or when your partner sleeps wiht someone else - you take it very "personally".

You believed that this is something they're diong WITH YOU because of how special you are to them, and you're doing it with them because of how special they are to you.

That's the big delineator between us and European countries....particularly Spain and Italy come to mind.

Over there, a mistress is de riguer. But it's because that's "just sex" - he'd never disrespect his wife by leaving her, he'd never abuse or neglect her whatsoever. The mistress is for "pure sex" - nothing more. The mistress knows her place and function.......and has no objection. The wife has no objection, because she knows her rights, and his obligations to her.

That's why sex in Europe is not such a big deal. Because it's not used to indicate love, like, commitment, or obligation.

But in our society - it is. That's why we take it so personally when someone that we have "sex" with - doesn't want a relationship.

It makes a huge difference if you're having sex with them because you like them, you like what you two have, and you haven o "issues" with sexual activity.

Or if you're having sex to get them to like you, or so that you'll create something....which means you have tons of issues with sexual activity.

Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com

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