Time for the "exclusive" talk?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
Time for the "exclusive" talk?
14
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 2:43am

I've been seeing someone I met online for about 6 weeks now, meet-ups are pretty regular, and we text/talk on a regular basis.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2010
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 3:41am
I don't think 6 weeks is too soon to ask her, Mr. Blue. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2006
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 6:51am

Hi Mr Blue


I think you should ask her, don't put too much emphasis on it and try not to build it up too much in yourself as all of that thought and stress you have built up will come out when you ask her and she may think it's all a bit too 'heavy'.

Honesty is always the best policy and she will more than likely appreciate the approach you are taking- that you are in touch with your feelings and care about hers.

At the end of the day, the time you have known eachother is getting to that point where you need to know 'one way or the other'.


Best of luck- I'm routing for you!! :)


Una

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 10:05am

It's not too soon. How about if you approach it when you're alone by saying something like this?

"Hey _____, I just wanted you to know that I really like getting to know you and I feel like things are going well between us. I'm not looking for anyone else, I hope you feel the same way but if it's too soon just tell me."

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2009
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 10:10am

Everyone has their own styles of how they like things to progress in a relationship. As for me, if I like someone right away, I have no interest in dating anyone else, and I prefer someone who is alike in that way. When I'm kissing a guy and becoming intimate with him, I wouldn't feel comfortable if he was dating other women and kissing them, etc.


I'm in a long term relationship now with someone, and we agreed to become exclusive by the second date. Some people would think that's crazy, but it worked for us, and we plan to be married in about a year and a half.


In the past, when I've had exclusivity talks with a potential boyfriend, I said that being exclusive doesn't mean that we have some major commitment at the moment, but it means that we could

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 12:29pm

Hi undercover.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 2:33pm
How long does she estimate the divorce to finish?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 2:42pm
Most likely by the summer from what I take it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Mon, 03-08-2010 - 12:23am

Mr Blue, you won't know her mindset until you ask.

I was only recently separated when I met my now hubby. Divorce papers weren't even drawn up. But the connection we had was so good that both of us knew we wanted to persue a relationship with each other.

And as one of the previous posters said, 'exclusivity' doesn't have to mean 'commitment'. Exclusivity simply means not seeing others. I wouldn't want to be kissing or sleeping with someone who was also seeing others.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2006
Mon, 03-08-2010 - 6:21pm
It might be best to try and keep things more on the casual side until the entire divorce process is over and she has emotionally recovered from that. In the meantime, you should try and see other people so you don't get too attached. It would probably be best to make sure she is aware of this arrangment (definitely talk about it).
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2006
Mon, 03-08-2010 - 6:24pm
I agree with being completely honest, and having open communication. But I don't agree that it has to be all or nothing at this point. Why rush things? What if she has emotional baggage that she needs to take care of? That can be difficult, and if you care about them, you should be willing to be patient.

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