too busy a good excuse?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2005
too busy a good excuse?
5
Sat, 10-29-2005 - 12:27am

Hi everyone,

I have just found out about this site and I think it is great to have a place to share our views about the crazy world of dating.

I am actually quite new at dating. I got married when I was 19, and got divorced a couple of years ago (I'm 29 now). So, I have finally met someone I am really interested in, but am not sure how to read this guy. We met online and went on a first date on a Saturday night. It was a great date. When I dropped him off at his place we kissed for a while and he asked me whether I'd like to get together the next day. Sure enough, on Sunday we got together again. We watched a movie at his place. He was very respectful and we had a great time. This was 2 weeks ago. I called him on the first week and asked whether he would be interested in getting togteher on the weekend.He said he couldn't because he was spending the weekend out of town visiting his parents, but that he would love to see me the following week. On Monday I get a lovely email asking about my weekend and saying he was going to call me "soon". Wednesday night and the "soon" call had not yet materialized, then I email him on Thursday night and ask about weekend plan. He apologizes for not calling me (he often works 11-12h/day) and says he is going oiut of town again but maybe we can meet on the weekend. Now, when we first met, we both made it clear to each to each other that we hate game playing and that the best approach is to be honest at all times. SO I call him, and tell him that I like him but that, although I understand that he is busy, because I work a good 10h/day too, I did not think he was interested enough because he wasn't making much of an effort to meet me. Then he went on and on about how he was very interested but that he was so busy at work and bla bla bla, how he hated to leave me hanging blabla. So I tell him that if he is trully interested, I'd give it a shot if we commit to meeting once a week and chat on the phone a couple of time per week, then see how it goes from there. Less than that it would just not be worth it. He agreed to that and we are supposed to meet on Sunday evening. However, I am a bit weary about the whole thing. We are very very alike and I'm as busy as he is. I wonder if I should give it another week of 2 to see if he shows more involvement of if I should just drop the whole deal. When we do talk he sounds very sincere about his interest in me, but if it were so, shouldn't he be calling me more often. Maybe it is just too soon to know... or not. I'm lost. Any advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2005
Sat, 10-29-2005 - 12:58pm
aaahhhh, i know what you are going through. I was in a bit of the same situation myself a little while ago. I would say, give it another week or two. It is too early to cut it off right now, especially if you found someone you are genuinly interested in. It seems he is being up front with you and telling you he is very interested and touching base when he can with you. Giving it another week or two won't hurt you or let you get too attached. Good Luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2005
Sat, 10-29-2005 - 1:06pm
Thank you gal_jeeny28!
I thought so too, but it is nice to hear it from someone else. Dating can be so blinding! :)
Nattalia.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-30-2005 - 1:29pm

So, are you meeting tonight?

I think "too busy" more often than not means "not all that interested but don't want to close the door completely so that she's there if I change my mind or someone better doesn't show up". In a situation where you met online, it can also mean "I'm dating a bunch of other women but I don't want to shut the door completely so she's there if I change my mind or someone better doesn't show up".

Don't wait around...you should be dating other people regardless of whether he's really interested or not.

And what's up with letting a guy get into your car on your first meet??? Safety first, woman!!!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2005
Sun, 10-30-2005 - 2:09pm
Thanks Sheri. Yes, we are supposed to meet tonight. If he fails to call, then he is history. I tend ot think that if he were interested enough, he would somehow manage to make it happen. And I'll be more careful with whom I let in my car from now on. I guess it is all a learning process!!!
Nattalia.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2005
Sun, 11-13-2005 - 7:16pm

So did he show up for the next date and are things going better now or did you toss him to the curb? Just wondering about a follow up?

Brandy