Too picky?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Too picky?
5
Fri, 09-30-2005 - 12:06pm
I've just started seeing a great new guy who I'm attracted to on most levels (physically, intellectually, and sense of humor). The problem is that when we go out to eat I always have to pay half the bill...he doesn't ask me to but he doesn't refuse my money when I put it on the table. We live in NYC, a very expensive town, he just moved here and works in publishing (so I know he's totally underpaid). My problem is that I don't know why this is bothering me so much. I've dated other guys who always paid, but I didn't feel any chemistry with so I'd end things. I don't need to be completely splurged on, I'm independent, have a great career, made it own my own. I know there is no such thing as a perfect man, but is it wrong to want to be swept off my feet?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
In reply to: gueritta
Fri, 09-30-2005 - 12:18pm

Have you tried NOT offering to see what happens? Maybe because you offered, and he took it, he felt it was okay to do this all the time. I'm not one to shy away from offering, but at the same time, I don't expect to go dutch all the time either.

My two cents. Don't offer the next time and see what happens.

Also, why DID you offer if you truly want to be "wined and dined" instead of going dutch?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
In reply to: gueritta
Sat, 10-01-2005 - 11:50am
That's funny that you wrote that because many friends have said the exact same thing. Last time I tried not to offer any money, but I saw him looking at the bill then look at his wallet, then look back at the bill and I felt bad. I do like to be "wined and dined", but by someone that wants to do so. I think next time we'll just get drinks and this way I won't feel bad if he pays the whole bill.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
In reply to: gueritta
Sat, 10-01-2005 - 1:49pm

That's a better choice. Another choice, would not to go to dinner/lunch or restaurants. Go to cheaper places to eat. Or even offer to make lunch and go on a picnic. I dunno. I put it this way, if he can't afford the dinner, he shouldn't be asking you out to THAT place. Why try to impress if it's going to make you broke.

On the other hand, to me, him looking at the bill, wallet, bill, wallet, would make me think he's trying to figure out what to put down (tip and stuff too).

seriously, would you want a man who's going to put himself in the hole, to IMPRESS you with a nice dinner or taking you out all the time to restaurants he obviously can't afford? And I don't mean, like he has to pay for everything, im just saying, i don't know if i'd want a man to put himself in the hole, just to buy me dinner. because it'll make me think, what else does he put himself in the hole for? is he the type of man, to take a huge loan out, to buy me an engagement ring, but barely be able to afford the payments? bleah.

point is.........first step. suggest other places to eat, or just cheaper eats, or skip the food altogether. if he still does that, ASK him why he does that, does he need help? is he just figureing it out? and lastly, if he STILL does it, I'd question if he can afford to date. i mean, let's be real, i know it's VERY expensive for the guy, but at the same time, i'd rather a man be honest with me.

when i was first dating my xbf. he would drop me off at him (after a day out), eat dinner at his house, and then come back for me, and we'd go out at night. why? cuz he couldn't afford to pay for meals. he didn't have a job at the time. as weird as it was, i felt better knowing 1. he wasn't wasting his savings (while looking for a job) on food, on me. 2. he didn't expect or ask me to pay for things, and would rarely take my money, 3. it also kinda saved his ego...although it was strange as heck to me.

good luck. take some small steps, since you ARE just dating the guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
In reply to: gueritta
Sat, 10-01-2005 - 6:52pm

I agree. It's not unreasonable to want to be swept off your feet, but it's also not fair to burden a low income earner with having to wine and dine you.

Yep, look for other alternatives. Cook some fabulous meals at home. Can he cook for you? Enjoy pizza and beer with a view. Go on a picnic. He can steal a flower from someone's garden for you. An impromptu coffee at a cafe. There are some great ways to be swept off your feet without great expense.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
In reply to: gueritta
Mon, 10-03-2005 - 10:03am
I just feel that in the beginning of a relationship the man should be courting the woman. You know what you want and what you feel is exceptable. Some people don't care about going dutch but I personally do! If I went on date and the guy expected me to go dutch I would be like there is our last date. The whole point of dating is to see who fits the qualities you are looking for and this guy doesn't, It's too soon for you to start making exceptions to your rule. I say get out now and stop wasting time ; ) good luck!