trying to sort it out

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2006
trying to sort it out
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 4:34pm

I've been dating a guy for two months and even though I'm not sure about him, I find myself gauging how I feel against what I think he feels. My friends tell me this is a pattern with me. On paper, he's great and has a lot of qualities that I want in a guy ... good-looking, smart, articulate, well-read, active. However, he can be self-absorbed and inconsiderate at times. He also likes to challenge things I say to the point that I feel dumb. I'm not sure these are deal-breakers, but it's hard for me to sort out how I feel versus just wanting the relationship to work out. It's been a while since I've clicked with a guy and I really hate the idea of just walking away and going through the dating and weeding process again.

I guess my question is ... am I just so insecure and desperate for a relationship that I am willing to overlook some possibly significant issues? How can I approach the dating process with more of a "do you meet my criteria/are you good enough for me approach"?

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 5:50pm

There is another approach besides sticking with it, sucking it up and feeling bad with him versus leaving.

Have you ever thought how you don't have to feel dumb?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 11:59am

What you are saying is it doesn't FEEL good to be with him. No one feels good when they are feeling like they are stupid. No one.

That's it what you have to look at. How does it FEEL to you to be with him.

All that good on paper stuff doesn't mean diddly if you don't feel good about yourself when you are with him.

Some great books:

I Know I'm in There Somewhere: A Woman's Guide to Finding Her Inner Voice and Living a Life of Authenticity by Helene G. Brenner
(helps you find your inner voice and listen to it to find what you want. not self improvement; self awareness)

Is He Mr. Right?: Everything You Need to Know Before You Commit by Mira Kirshenbaum
(talks about dating and how to read a guy in the beginning. talks about the 5 levels of chemistry that you must have. how to dump the duds.)