two guys... how to decide??
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| Sun, 08-28-2005 - 8:01pm |
I have got into a huge dilemma... two guys are involved...
It started in spring when I met this guy who I totally fell for. But he had a girlfriend. We never did anything and he didn't really flirt with me either, but he's kept in touch with me all summer, he has really cared about me and remembered things that are important to me, wished me luck etc.. so many things that has showed that he really cares about me.
But all the time he's had a gf, they have been together 4 years and he told me it feels like they are just friends. I know it can sound like a trick to get me, but at the same time.. many couples who've been together for so long actually break up, especially since he's just a bit over 20. Since he told me that at a party this summer and kept contacting me I thought he'd broken up with his gf. So I was completely devastated when he mentioned her in the beginning of august.
Then I had met another guy who was very very interested in me, but I turned him down til that day I was so devastated. So we started dating and I actually became interested in him too. We have been dating for 3 weeks now. He's so great, but I haven't really felt that in love-feeling with him. He's really caring about me, he shows that all the time, he tells me I'm the best that has happened to him and how much he likes and cares about me. Sometimes I have seen sides of him that I don't like that much, like parts of his sense of humour. But still he is so good and I'm really comfortable with him. I know he's more in love with me than I'm in him, but I think this could turn out to be something really good.
But now guy w gf is back in town. We both go to college here. I was talking to him online tonight and he was really flirty and again showed me how much he also cares about him.
I don't know what to do. it feels wrong being all flirty with him online and at the same time date this other guy. guy w. gf saw me with this other guy once so he knows he exists, but maybe he doesn't know we're dating.
I just don't know what to do. I desperately want to stay friends with guy w gf, because guy friends are so rare, but I don't know what he thinks about us, if he has given up his gf or what. And at the same time I feel I can't give up what I and this other guy have.
please give me some advice on what to do! PLEASE!

Give up the guy with the girlfriend. You don't need him as a friend and he's not really your friend. Does he invite you to hang out with him and his girlfriend? Have you met her? I bet you're a secret.
He's been with the same woman for 4 years and he's very young. I bet he wants to have sex with other women. If you got involved with him, he'd use you as a transitional girl. Someone to date before he gets out there.
Also, think about it. If he talks to you and flirts with you behind his gf's back, do you really think he wouldn't do that to you? If he was your boyfriend, he'd make other friends with other girls.
About the guy you're currently dating, you have to decide if you like him or not. But first, you need to cut off contact with the guy who has the girlfriend. He's renting space in your head and you can't think straight.
I'd say that you have TWO decisions to make:
Guy 1 - he's flirting with you and he has a girlfriend. Think about being in a relationship with this guy. Obviously, he doesn't have a problem flirting with you while he's still in a relationship. Either he's lying to you about how shaky his feelings are for his girlfriend or he's really lying to her about their relationship. Is that the kind of relationship you'd want? I think you need to let him know some boundaries and be careful thinking about "what if" with him.
Guy 2 - you like him. It's early in a relationship. It can be a red flag that he's coming on so strong and another red flag that you are concerned about parts of his sense of humor. Don't ignore feeling uncomfortable and don't go at his speed. But you shouldn't break it off with him because it's harder to have a relationship with him than to flirt with Guy #1!
Good luck! and TRUST YOURSELF!