Uncertain.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2006
Uncertain.
3
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 5:48pm

Hello All.
Long time reader, first time poster.
Okay, to make a very long story short (9 years o history), I used to have a very insecure best friend. I was outgoing, ambitious, and easily made new friends. I spent a lot of time with her, and we really helped eachother grow emotionally.
She had an older brother, whom I was also very close with. When we were kids he often asked me to hang out with him and his friends and not his sister, and we also end up talking on the phone when I'd call for his sister. After a couple of years, when I was 14 and he was 16 he kissed me while we were watching a movie.
While I was honest with my best friend about what happened, she felt it was some kind of betrayel. Her brother and I would go on for another 5 years of sparraticly making out in secret. It was our secret, although everyone else always seemed to notice the intense vibe that surrounded us.
When I was 19 I moved from NJ to CA. It was about 3 years since I've spoken to him last, but alas we are in touch again. I told him I'm still in Love with him. Now mind you we've never talked about our feelings for eachother ever, because really, we've never had too. They are so strong around us you could cut them with a knife. Niether of us minded being strong and silent over the years. So finally verbalizing this I told him I was still in love with him in a text message. (I was too scared to say it any other way, and laughed when I told him that). He called me the next morning and would go on to cut me off and say " (My Name) I Love You Too, but I dont know where I am in my life right now . . ." and I said "You havent even thought about it, dont say anything I dont want to hear it."
Over the next few months we'd go on talking about this. I'm also leaving a major factor out of this. I'm already involved in a long term relationship, and He knows it.
But anyway we would go on to talk for long periods of time, sometimes about us and sometimes not. He would tell me If there was anyone in the world I would never have to feel embarrassed infront of it was him, and that He thinks I'm an amazing person and he always will, and again that he Loves me. He would also say that it would never work out right now anyway because I live in CA and right now he lives nowhere. He's on a road trip cross country. While I know he recently is getting out of a relationship, I told him that it would be too soon for him anyway. ALthough he is like brick wall when it comes to talking about other women around me, he just wont do it. He'll deny remembering any of his highschool hookups to me, to make them seem less than less important.
Now I havent talked to him in almost a month. He has a myspace he set up (because of me) that he never told me about, that he has one friend (he doesnt know, but she's a good looking chic) and written in that he is looking for someone (oops how ironic, is exzactly like me)which he's so not the type to ever have a myspace, but I have one. I know he know's I must know about his myspace. It's like we are in each other's heads, and always have been. Is he waiting for me to add him as a friend? Because I'm not going to be the first to admit I know he has one, and why shouldn't he tell me anyway? It's not like he uses it to talk to people.
Trouble is, one night I texted him "U Up?" and he didn't respond until the next day, and from his email address (he must have his cell on email alert) and it said "Who is this?"
I wrote back "Ummm. . . (My Name)" and havent heard from him since.

Someone please give me insight into why the sudden cold shoulder? He still checks his myspace, and he knows I'm the only one whose probably lookin.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 9:33am

If he checks his account, what I would do is send him a message via myspace. Tell him that you tried to txt him a while back, and ask what the deal was on that. You can at least see if he reads the e-mail, regardless if he writes back or not.

Maybe you should just stop trying with this guy. If he truely wanted to be with you, he would. But he's made it clear to you that he's doesn't know what he wants, and it wouldn't work out with you because of the distance factor on both ends. You should not try to change his mind, but just accept the fact that things are the way they are. If it was truely meant to be it will, but for now you should go on and live your life. You are young, and we learn from all of our choices and mistakes in life. You have a lot of life to live, and plenty of time, don't waste your energy on someone that's not even bothering with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 10:48am
So long as you have a boyfriend, you need to forget about your friend's brother. You're emotionally cheating (at a minimum), and it's very disrespectful to your boyfriend. If you boyfriend doesn't make you happy, then break up with him. Only then should you start to consider other possibilities.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2006
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 4:06pm
I agree with both of you, and thank you for your advice, it means a lot.