V-day gone wrong :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
V-day gone wrong :(
3
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 3:23pm

SO I have posted on here several times about a guy I am just casually dating. So basically, Monday I asked him if he wanted to be my Valentine just all jokey and fun and he seriously said no, he had to clean out his car and would be busy with work all week and was too "stressed". I was like totally shocked. So I responded by saying that was fine, but he isnt the only person who is stressed and I am sorry if i "pressured" him to hang out on Valentines day, but I thought it would be nice to do something nice and take my mind off of some bad things that I have been going through in my life.

After that I said nothing.

About an hour later, he texts me twice and leaves a message on my phone telling me how sorry he is and that he wasnt thinking and the time when I need him he is a prick and he will understand if I don't want to talk to him anymore...I didn't respond to these messages, I didnt even know what to say.

So valentines day comes and he asks me what I think and I told him I just wanted him to leave me alone for a while because he really upset me. THEN when I get home from work I get a phone call asking what I am going to do tonight, by this time I had already made plans so I didnt have to sit by myself all night and he was like is there any way possible that I can see you today?

I don't get it, why tell me no the day before and then freak out when he thinks I am mad at him and don't want to talk to him or see him anymore. I don't get it, he constantly tells me he doesnt want a relationship so the second I don't talk to him or something he spazzes and thinks I am mad at him...its like do you want me or not, no more games... I dont know what to do about this, I am thinking I am just going to call it quits...any suggestions ??? :(

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 6:02pm

I re-read your original post about this guy, and my advice still stands...if you want to be in a relationship, this is not the guy for you.

As to why he did this...I would venture to guess it's one word: EGO. He can't stand to have you NOT want him or think badly of him (and I bet he'd give you the full court press if you ended things with him) but he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you either.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 7:47pm
Hi Hun,
I don't know if I am fully caught up on your background or your story but based on this post..I'm Sorry to hear your upset--but IMO....V-Day aside (its done & over with) and focusing on his behavior towards the relationship...I can again suggest you read the post "Therein lies the thrill" that I'm sorry I don't know who wrote but it is about the "Chase" in a relationship! I actually copied that post, pasted it in an e-mail & forwarded it to my ex boyfriend who coincidentally I wanted to be with (and told him so) but we broke up & started the FWB type relationship--as soon as I started seeing my NEW B/F this old one wants to "get together" and sends mixed signals....I think maybe your B/F realized he acted inappropriately with his bad attitude & also had the shock set in that when the tables turned & you didn't treat HIM the way he wanted.....he came Running? Ironic, isn't it? It is like a big game & I hate that! I suggest communicating your dislike to him about his behavior towards you more so than the fact it was Valentines Day ....I'm actually starting to believe too much emphasis is being put on that day too & I also happen to be someone who got let down by not getting any surprises & also in a New relationship. I think its time to focus on whether you 2 are right for eachother...maybe it was just a "blip" and the sensitivity of V-Day. Good luck, be honest & just talk to him about it before calling it quits? Or what about taking a break to decide if you want or miss eachother? Keep the Chin Up, Sweetie
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2005
Wed, 02-15-2006 - 10:30pm

Sweetiexo31,

Sorry to hear your vday ended up surprise free from you new guy. Well mine was no better with a guy of 7 months. Hes not the romantic type and I am, and who knows maybe someday he can meet me halfway!!

As I posted on another thread, Im just a giver, its in my nature. Sometimes Im a bit overdone in that department and have felt a bit hurt by others who have taken advantage of my nature.

I just wanted to say Im with you! Maybe their is too big of deal made about one day, and what matters to me is that my relationship with him has been soaring this past month!! See about 6 weeks ago, I told him I loved him, and he ran the other way. Wanted sometime and space, but he was back with 2 days, telling me he loved me, and explaining that this was hard for him since his divorce, and that he didnt mean to hurt me, nor did he want to lose what we had. So maybe I got my gift a few weeks early!!!

Hearing that and seeing the recent change in him and our relationship has been the best gift I could have ever received!! So I think Ill write VDAY off this year as a "blip", and let it go at that.

Oh and this is nuts, but guess what I did or didnt do??? I never gave him the gift I had for him. And it was only because I felt like I would make him uncomfortable. I spoke with him tonight, when he called, came clean, told the truth, and Im giving it to him when I see him again in a few days!! The only part I wasnt honest about was, I told him in all the rush for him to get home to his kids, I forgot I had a gift for him upstairs!!!!! Im not sure he believed me on that one!! That was lame !! LOL But no matter what I decided tonight that I want him to have it, and that I put alot into it, and it meant alot to me to show him how I feel about him and about us!!

I KNOW I KNOW!! IM NUTS LOL!!!! I just froze on this one! First Vday with any man besides my ex husband in about 22 years!! So I guess Im allowed to make lame mistakes!! LOL