Vanished

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2007
Vanished
2
Wed, 04-22-2009 - 7:46am
8 months ago, I've met this guy online whose really naive. I didn't like him at first and tried to avoid him online. I chatted with him casually though, thinking I might give it a shot. So he's been reaching out on me for countless times, like calling me and just right there whenever I needed to vent out with something and he never failed to listen.. I treated him like a real friend, though he said he really likes me but I wanted to take things slow. I became fond of him and decided to meet him.. But our communication was stopped until he told me his father just died. Then, I did the best I can to console him thru email..but he remained distant. I was more like--"hurt" with his gestures but I ignored the hurt feeling since I figured he just had a big loss. But then, he pulled away and never contacted me ever since. Then recently, I checked my account on the online chat, and he has been viewing me almost everyday since I deleted him on my friend's list. I know what we had wasn't that real--not as real as personal connection. But I cherished the way we talked and he's someone who patiently listens... Apparently, not that patient to atleast wait and see me in person.. I left him a message saying hello, how you've been?--message hoping he'll explain what happened why I haven't heard from him ever since his father died... ...
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
In reply to: winluvnsparkle
Wed, 04-22-2009 - 9:57am

2 things could be going on here with this guy. 1 is that maybe his father did pass, and he needs time to himself to figure things out. That is one of those things that you really can't understand until you go through it.

The other is that he's lying and used that as an excuse to stop talking to you. I dated a guy that things seemed to go well in the beginning but he just dropped off, made tons of excuses, then I stopped talking to him...wished him well and moved on.

Right now what you are doing is trying to understand and rationalize the whole situation like what did I do,what can I do to be this persons friend again..etc. The answer is that it takes 2 and the other has subtracted himself from the equation.

My advice...wish him well, don't reach out to him anymore and keep pushing forward. You can only do so much, and the best thing to do is to let it go. If he really wanted to talk to you again, he's just say I need some time..or whatever. But it seems from what you have said that he really doesn't wanna talk to you anymore for reasons only he knows. Maybe he's weird or doesn't know how to communicate to girls, I don't know?! Remember that real friends or people for that matter will make an effort to reach out and communicate, and certain people in life were only meant to be in yours for a certain period of time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2007
In reply to: winluvnsparkle
Thu, 04-23-2009 - 5:29am
Thank you for the authentic advise. I recently checked my account on the online dating and he left a message saying he's in Tapei right now visiting his model gf and that he's sorry about the past and he was glad to have known me.. Yeah you're right. I guess he just made up excuses. It's silly 'cause he was the one who chased me and right when I was ready to open up he left me hanging. I hate dating. It loses it authenticity and everything is just up for the game wherein most guys opt for the thrill of the chase and right when you start liking them, they're gone...before you even realize it. It's crazy and unreal. I just maybe want to cherish being alone and spending time more with friends, family and my hobbies. I can't seem to find someone whose authentic and sincere.. Yeah I do need a break..=)