Very complicated, need advice
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|Thu, 05-21-2009 - 4:04pm|
I'll try to give the brief background...
10 years ago, my manager and I started flirting and there was an attraction there. He would have me go buy things we needed, or I would type his emails while he would stand over me and peer down my shirt (I liked it, no worries!) Twice we went out for drinks but nothing happened. Flirting continues.
During this time I am living with my boyfriend. He proposes and I accept. Manager does see ring, though he never discuss if that changes the way he feels, we never go out again but like I said flirting never stopped.
I was then promoted to management as well and moved to another location. I can't stop thinking about him. I call him and he invites me to his place. I should add here, that I am (well at this point) overweight...and insecure. Unless anyone makes a DIRECT MOVE on me I can't get it through to my head that someone is interested in me. Ok so I go to his place and I sit on one end of the couch with my arms folded looking very uninviting. He is on the other side and says "come here"...and I say no. This is a person I like very much but I can't even bring myself to go and sit next to him! What was wrong with me. No confidence at all. He eventually just says he thinks I should go (I'm thinking he got the picture that I was too nervous or unsure and was being a gentleman).
Fast forward about 2 years...I've left that company and I've lost TONS of weight. Now I'm skinny! And...I still miss him. And I'm married by the way. I decide one weekend to go to where he works. He tells me I look great. I try to hang around as much as possible to see if he will ask me out or anything...nothing. OH and he is married now. A month later I return...same deal he does nothing, but it still happy to see me. I try to call him and give him my number...nothing, he never calls me.
So here we are...10 years from when we first worked together (about 6 years from when I last saw him) and I still can not work out how much I miss and love him. I feel totally ridiculous. I'm still married. I have 2 kids now. A friend of mine that worked with us has reconnected with me and she knew the whole inside story and she and I have agreed to go and visit him again. And I've planned out making it QUITE clear my intentions. I want him.
He may have not had a second thought of me all these years. I have nothing to lose though, he isn't mine now anyway. Only face I guess, but I have to know once and for all. I want to know if he still sees something and me and if he is willing to pursue it. If not I want to know exactly what stalled us out way back then.
Am I nuts? Anyone gone through ANYTHING like this? Is it possible to be in love with someone that you never even KISSED after ten years?
Yes, I know we are both married and many people have their opinions on cheating and infidelity. I have thought this out long and hard. This is eating me away and I feel like I can no longer move on (with or without him) until I get a straight answer.
ETA: I'm not looking for anyone to leave their spouses. I just feel like something is still missing there. I'm done regretting things I didn't do in life rather than the things I did do.
Edited 5/21/2009 4:09 pm ET by redandwhitej