very rocky relationship
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| Sat, 09-24-2005 - 8:42pm |
First time poster, but very in need of advice. I have been dating my boyfriend on and off for over 2 and 1/2 years (since we were 17)and best friends since we were 14. He is the love of my life. But this summer was terrible for us. In July, he suddenly got very confused about us, and broke up with me, telling me that he needed space. I begged for him back, and we were together again for a month. He then broke up with me late August and told me that he was not in love with me, and his feelings had changed. We were apart for 2 weeks before HE came begging for ME back, telling me that he was still in love with me and missed me so much. I took him back. This was a week ago, and I could not be more depressed and confused. 2 days ago, he told me that he still liked other girls, and that he does not feel the same way about me still. He also said he doesn't deserve me and he wanted me to break up with him because he could never break up with me because he wants to be with me too much and not lose me. I love this man very much, but our relationship is not the same. He rarely surprises me, and tends to choose partying and his friends over me. This is not the same person I fell in love with, and I am so unsure as to what happened just 2 months ago. I know he is confused... he still tells me that I am the one that he wants to marry, but that he does not know if he can change who he is or how he is feeling. I am giving up hope on this relationship and this man that I love, and do not know what I should do... any advice would be so helpful. Thank you so much.

So my advice is to let him go. Tell him that you love him, but you think he needs to figure himself out before you can be with him again. Break up with him in as nice and friendly a way as you can. Do not call him. Do not follow him. Do not ask your girlfriends to keep tabs on him. Let him be on his own. And try to enjoy your own freedom. Look at other men and enjoy your friends. If things are meant to be, he will eventually come back to you. And by that point, you will both be ready for a real, mature relationship because you will have made a definite choice to be with each other rather than clinging to each other solely because it is what is familiar and known. And by eventually, I mean months at least. If he comes back within a few weeks, tell him to go away.
My final piece of advice, which I give every single woman I speak to, is to read He's Just Not that Into You. If you don't want to read the whole book, there's also an abridgement. Sort of a daily devotional for the single girl. Trust me. It'll change your life.
Good luck.