Wait another week or move on???

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2008
Wait another week or move on???
9
Sun, 06-06-2010 - 11:18am

I’ve been having an amazing connection with a guy that

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Sun, 06-06-2010 - 8:30pm

I think it is weird that he hasn't responded in a month.

Missy
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2008
Tue, 06-08-2010 - 8:11am

Hey Missy,


Thanks for reading and commenting on my post. You're right, it's very unattractive to beg someone to communicate with you. Thankfully, I haven't done that I've just realized that I've been hanging on a string- I guess that's just as bad. I was guilty of trying to be more patient but to correct you...I haven't heard from him in a week but we've been exchanging emails back in forth for a month. I'm not going to send an email asking him why he hasn't emailed me back, I will just let this connection go. It's a shame b/c I'm pretty selective and when

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2009
Wed, 06-09-2010 - 6:55pm

Hi there,


I was on internet dating sites for 2 years after my divorce. I would recommend limiting your dating experiences to people who live within 50 miles of you. When you think about it, it takes a good year of seeing someone (in person) at least twice a week before really knowing them. How would you do this with someone who lives so far away, and there are plenty of single people in whatever age group you're in, just about wherever you live.


Before you actually meet the person, it is a fantasyland. I e-mailed and spoke with many men on the phone before meeting them. I loved their photos and personalities in the e-mails and phone callls, but upon meeting them, the majority of the time, he or I didn't feel chemistry.


Sometimes they didn't look like their photo. Sometimes they posted old photos, and looked much older. Some lied about their age. Some were very photogenic, and looked ugly in person. One even had a giant growth on his neck that wasn't visible in the photo, and he kept sniffing and said he had a deviated septum. It's not reality until you meet him. To meet someone long distance is very costly. Do you really want you or him to risk money on something that's not a sure thing?


Don't invest so much time in e-mails. I would e-mail someone no more than a week, and then suggest speaking on the phone. I would have no more than 2 phone calls with someone if he didn't suggest a date. It's all about the first meeting, face to face. Don't let the man decide the parameters of your communication. Be empowered. Do things the way you like doing things, and if he can't keep up, he's not right for you. Men like confident women, not doormats. Besides internet dating, try meetups.com


You can choose activity groups in your area that cater to single people. The outdoor activities would be more populated by men than indoor activities. Look in the newspaper for local wine tastings, cooking classes and gardening classes. Good luck to you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2010
Sun, 06-13-2010 - 3:52pm

Photobucket

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 2:36am

Experience has taught me that it's most beneficial to meet in person sooner rather than later. It is very easy to get invested in someone who writes well, esp. if they are good at being expressive with the written word about their hopes and dreams, as this builds emotional connection.

But, at the end of the day, it's just words on a screen, NOT a relationship. I have been there, spent YEARS pining for an old college friend who stayed in touch and was a real silvertongue!

I met my current BF on match, and thinking back, the progression we had from email -> phone convo -> a meetup was very natural, not forced but not dragged out at the same time. We exchanged maybe 4-5 emails in the course of a week, then he suggested speaking on the phone, which we did for about 30 min, with the intent to meet the next week.

Dating, and establishing the right amount of chemistry and correct pace, needs some momentum. We stuck to neutral topics at first and didn't really delve into too much emotional stuff (hopes, dreams, mom's drinking problem, etc) until we were pretty serious. It was crucial to me that there be chemistry and an element of fun, rather than heaviness, to the dating process...this particular guy was on the same wavelength and it worked out. :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2010
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 8:45am

If he’s “scared” and needs time to think then he shouldn’t be on dating sites.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 9:26am

"Experience has taught me that it's most beneficial to meet in person sooner rather than later. It is very easy to get invested in someone who writes well, esp. if they are good at being expressive with the written word about their hopes and dreams, as this builds emotional connection. "

Really well put! This has been my experience as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2008
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 10:01am

Thanks, I appreciate your advice and the advice of the others that commented on my post. I have tried meetup.com. It's a great place to network and meet other people. A lot of the men on there usually message me on the site w/o going to any of the meetups, can you believe that? Well, anyway. the guy that this post was about actually emailed me a week ago to tell me that he "met someone else amazing and not to say that i wasn't amazing too b/c I am

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Sun, 06-20-2010 - 4:13pm

Just a thought...they can't come BACK to you if you don't LET them.


You are not desperate...you want to meet someone but in my opinion when you make yourself readily available to someone that has turned you down in the past....that is a bad start to a realationship.

Missy