the waiting game?
Find a Conversation
| Sat, 03-25-2006 - 3:43pm |
We just finished have a great vacation together. Which served 2 purposes, 1. I was looking at moving (possibly with him) to where we were vacationing and 2. having my first vacation with my bf. Awesome, awesome vacation, we had a great time, until the last couple of days, he seemed to be very distant and we were getting into little tiffs. I figured that it was because we had spent everyday waking moment with each other and although we have been dating for a while, it was still very new to be that close to someone all the time. So basically I just passed it off as being tired, etc.
Well we get back home and a couple days later, he tells me that he needs a break. That he has a lot of emotional things going on, and that there are alot of things to consider with all the new events that have occurred. So I of course asked him what was going on? And if it isn't about the relationship that we had then why is he making it about the relationship? I then told him that I understood that he needed his time, but that I was there if he needed me. He told me that he just needed time and couldn't and didn't want to be in the relationship because he didn't want to hurt me while he went on a soul-searching expedition. Time passes, we would talk off and on during the week, sometimes about what had happened between us but still about other things as well. Then a little over a week later, he asks me what I meant by waiting for him. I explained that I would be there for him and be his friend (support) when he needed it. So this ended up in a long conversation, with myself telling him that I felt as though he was just pushing me away as far as he could and that I was getting more and more confused. So he tells me, we're breaking up. That he doesn't want to confuse me anymore. So now I guess it's over, but it was the most abrupt and jaw dropping experience. I thought we were happy, what the hell happened? If anyone can figure this out, please let me know?

I'm sorry to hear that! How long had the two of you been dating?
It sounds like he really was trying to break up with you the first time, but didn't quite know how.
It totally can happen that one person thinks everything is fine, while the other person is in the process of realizing that the two of you aren't right for each other. It's painful, but it happens, unfortunately.
I think he's telling you very clearly NOT to wait for him...I'm unsure from the title of your post whether that was clear to you though.
Sheri
It didn't come across that he wanted to break up and end it the first time, because when he said he wanted a break he didn't say that he wanted us to end, but that he just needed time to figure things out. Which is why I had no problem with the whole space thing. I figured that we all need space and time to think about things before something happens, and that was all he needed.
I didn't think our relationship was always fine, I had noticed from time to time, that he would be distant with me, and then the next day he was completely fine or sometimes a couple of mins later. I merely figured that he had something on his mind, and apparently he did, but that he would share it with me when he was ready to, and I guess he did. I guess at this point I should just move on, and let everything that we had go. The only thing that I hold onto, aside from hope, is that I thought we had something, and that whatever happened with us we would be able to work through them and still be together. But I guess our relationship just wasn't strong enough or something was missing.
Milliegirl,
Just wanted to say Im sorry things turned out this way for you. Try to keep the chin up, smile and look to the future. Maybe he just wasnt feeling the same feelings that you were, and its best it happened now. I know that doesnt help much, but dont sit there an blame yourself for this. Im sure he just lost himself a wonderful woman.
Sue