Waiting. . . How Do I Pass The Time

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2006
Waiting. . . How Do I Pass The Time
4
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 6:10pm

My guy and I were together for 6 months. We had a really intense relationship. And things were going great. A few weeks ago I started feeling like he was becoming distant. We had something happen that was very emotional for the both of us. Now he says he needs space. He says that he still has some unresolved issues from past relationships that he thought was resolved and that he needs to work on him. I believe him because I know a lot of what he has been through. The thing is we used to talk to each other ALL day everyday. We saw each other every 2-3 days and spent EVERY weekend together. We even got our children involved. Now my son is asking to see his kids and his kids are asking for me. We all spent 2 weeks together in Dec. over Christmas break. I am going to wait for him- no, not forever. But I am going to give him space to work through his issues.

The hard thing is passing the time. I'm so used to him being a major part of my day. What do I do to pass the time? I live in a place where there is not much to do. Each day it gets a little better but I miss him so much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 11:04am

<< I'm so used to him being a major part of my day. What do I do to pass the time? >>

You've been with him for 6 months. What did you do to "pass the time" before him? Though you may live in a place where there's not much to do, there's always a) focusing more on your kids, b) focusing more on your work, c) focus more on hanging out with friends and/or reconnecting with friends if your relationship put your friendships on the backburner d) taking up a new hobby you've always wanted to try, e) dive into your 'spring cleaning', f) go to the bookstore and pick up some new stuff to read, g) consider taking a vacation (not sure how old your kids are, but Spring Break is coming up, right?!)

Point being, you had a life before him ... just think back to what you did to pass your time then ... and do that, and more!

As for his "needing space" ... IMO, there's nothing wrong with taking time to sort out unresolved issues. Question is, did he let you know how much time he thinks he might need ... or did he leave it open-ended?

If its been left open-ended, obviously, he may not know how much time he needs ... but still ... it's not a bad idea to ask, next time you speak with him, when he thinks he'll ready to resume things. Don't be discouraged if he doesn't give you a succinct answer. However, not knowing that will give you some insight into how deep his unresolved issues are. And, all things considered, do you want a relationship with someone who still has unresolved issues from his past relationship? Probably not. So, it's smart for him to work this out prior to getting re-involved.

In which case, it's up to YOU to know how long YOU are willing to wait. Define that for yourself, most importantly.

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 11:10am

I would take this time to begin refocusing back on myself and my children. Though you did things together and included the children in this there is also your time children need with their parent. Sit back and begin enjoying them again. Also, begin giving back to yourself. Being a single parent and dating along with every other thing going on day to day people begin neglecting themselves. Get a book you’ve wanted to read. It is spring go ahead and plant some flowers, begin doing your switch out of winter clothing to spring. These are the things I tend to get into when I feel there is nothing else going on.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 2:47pm
Keep busy, that's the key doing a lot of different things that's healthy and will improve your life. I think you should ask him how much time he thinks he needs as well and determine how long you are willing to wait as another poster said. This will be a good time to focus on new hobbies, old hobbies, friends and if you have children then they should alone keep you busy enough relationship or no relationship. Sometimes it's also good for you to take a step back from the situation, re-evaluate it and determine if it's right for you as well. I'm in a military dating situation. The guy I'm seeing has been gone for 3 months and will be gone for another 3 more! Talk about a chunk of time to myself to remain busy. I guess I've had no problems staying busy and sometimes wish I had more time to myself. The key is to make an effort to make new friends and reestablish old friendships also focus on things about you that you would like to work on as well as things in your life you want to improve. Do you want to switch careers? Find a passion or hobby and I'm sure the children will enjoy more quality alone time with their mother.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2006
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 11:34am

Thanks to all of you for responding.

Before I met him I wasn't doing anything. I don't really have any friends here. And like I said there is nothing to do here. I spent all my time reading and surfing the net. I have gone back to reading but surfing the net is hard because I get the impulse to email or instant message him.

It's just hard to go from spending a lot of time with someone. To spending no time with them. It's been 2 weeks since I've seen him and it doesn't feel like it has gotten any better.

I guess I will just have to deal with it.