wats his deal

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2005
wats his deal
1
Sat, 08-27-2005 - 2:17am
hi, my name is sara, and i have ur typical, girl likes guy but guy is so confusing story. im 20, hes 21. weve been close friends for 3-4 months ..hes a trustworthy guy .we became so close cuz we spent time together everyday durin summer...anyways, i have strong feelings for him.. i care about him a lot, i do a lot for him...we get along so well, im always there for him and he appreciates everything, he tells me no one has done so much for him before, none of his girlfriends...but... he told me that its not that he doesnt like me, he just cant have a gf in his life rite now, hes got a lot on his plate, hes applying to school in his respective field, and hes gotta take entrance exams and he has to study for them.. anyway i went on vacation for a month.. we talked to each other once a week, and a couple times on the fone...last two weeks we dint talk cuz i got busy... when i got back he finally admitted to me he missed me the whole time... he said he missed all i did for him, my whining and saying his name when i wanted something, studying with me, and how i always whined to eat at tacobell, lol....when i got back we talked on the fone for 1 and half hours, he hates talkin on the fone for one thing, and the longest convo hes had before that was w/ me for 20 minutes...he initated the calls, he initiates most, he messages me mostly, and if i dont, he thinks somethings wrong, hes always been there for me, he sticks up for me....he says he knows me like the back of his hand, when we talk we always make eye contact....and he says he doesn't know why he flirts with me....he was talkinga bout how he went out and one of his friends wanted him to hook up w/ some girl but "she wasn't feelin him" he said, hes so not like that though.....he doesn't hit on girls, he so shy, he doesn't sleep around or have random flings....hes still a virgin so...idk what he meant by that girl, i know he wouldnt have done nething w/ her anyway....does he have feelings for me? its good that he mised me for the whole month i was gone right? does that mean i mean something to him? oh yeah and if i dont talk to him for one day he thinks somethings wrong or im mad at him.. i just saw him yesterday for the first time in a month, and it dint feel like i was gone..i tried to avoid speaking to him too much while i was in a group w/ him and some others, but he tried to get me alone to talk to me cuz he knew something was up with me behavior. we went to get a few things at the store and i went in a different direction then everyone else, and i knew he was gonna come follow me, he did, and then i went somewhere else, then he followed me there....even at my apartment, i left the sitting room and went to my room, and he came in my room just to ask me whats wrong..he gave me a hug after i gave him his gift, it felt so close and warm...i thought hes like this with all girls, but i noticed its when i dont give him attention he comes to me. he may get "mad" when one of my other friends doesnt give him attention but he actually follows me and talks to me to figure out whats wrong and why im acting this way, with my friend, he doesnt care.. anyway, thanks a lot for your help, please respond :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Sun, 08-28-2005 - 3:51pm

hi beanpole. I meant to respond last ngt, but got a phone call from a best friend. So, I wanted to tell you first of all - you are young, take advantage of that, and don't put all your eggs into one basket. Go out and have fun and date. This is the time to find out who you are, and what you want in a guy. I know how tough that can be when you are so into a guy like you are w/ your "friend".

First of all, what is going on here is the guy has what he wants, but you don't. He enjoys having a "relationship" with you without the committment. You want the committment. Basically, because its been going along as this for awhile now, he is comfortable. Why would he have to committ to you? He has what he wants w/o the responsibility of committing.

I agree his life happenings right now are legit reasons to not commit sinc ehe isn't sure where he is going. And in his mind, maybe he can't be the stand up guy he'd like to be to you in a relationship. But that does not change the fact, he isn't giving you what you want.

If what you want (which i think it is since you wouldnt' be posting on here) is a relationship with him and you are not getting it for one reason or anohter... then you need to let him go. You need to move on. If in time, timing is better for him and you are still available, then great you two can be together.

But what i see right now is tha tyou two aren't going to have a relationship but you keep hoping he'll change his mind. This isn't healthy for you at all, since you will always feel that things are uneven. Go get what you deserve. You never know , while you are pining for a rs with him, there could be a great guy out there that is available and would want a relationship with you. Dont be scared to shut a door. Another always opens. And maybe it will be this guy that opens the door again, but you will never know if you don't shut it.

Trst me, it took me over 5 years of dating to really get this.

Good luck BeanPol!