What are your thoughts about this...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2002
What are your thoughts about this...
3
Fri, 04-17-2009 - 1:57am

Hi Everyone,


Okay so there is this guy who I used to work for a few years ago, he was my boss, who I have started talking to again as of last year. He now is working elsewhere and I think might be interested in me.

Crystal
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
Fri, 04-17-2009 - 8:28am

I think any time somebody is still with their spouse getting involved with them is a very bad idea. You say you wouldn't get involved with him while he is married. Lots of people who have made the same claim before and never intended to get romantically involved find themselves getting emotionally attached anyway. It often leads to a physical affair. Even when it doesn't, it leads to an emotional affair, which can be just as damaging. I've read a few articles about this from the experts, and one of the most common ways this happens is when people start sharing their marital problems with the friend. It closes them off from their spouse, and it builds an emotional connection with the friend who ends up comforting them. Telling somebody how you feel about them is another path that leads people to have emotional affairs. You say you would never get involved with a married man so don't do all the things that are going to lead you into being involved with one.

I can tell you want to know if they'll break up. That's between him and her. All you need to know is that he's married. He's taken. Nothing else that is or isn't happening in their marriage is going to change that. It doesn't matter if he doesn't love her, or if they're not having sex,or if he says he might leave her. He's married; he's off-limits; and you need to forget about him as a romantic partner.

You're already at the point where you're tempted to be with him, and I think this friendship is headed for dangerous waters. You may want to consider getting to know his wife and making her part of the friendship or ending the friendship altogether. Otherwise, things are likely to get messy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2006
Fri, 04-17-2009 - 10:08am

Crystalmsc,


Welcome to the board. Rosewater gave you some excellent advice. Though you both may be two respectful adults, once feelings get involved you cannot be too sure what would happen. But the thing is, why do you want to go into dating someone else so soon? IMO, you need to heal from your seperation/divorce and come to terms with that before you can entertain the idea of getting involved with someone else.


Even if he is seperated from his wife, you can't be sure if he wants to jump back into dating/relationships. I think you should leave this one alone for

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Fri, 04-17-2009 - 9:15pm

Ditto Rosewater!

Read it over Crystal. It's tempting, forbidden waters, and let me tell you nothing good ever comes from these things. Over sharing marital problems with another is where emotional/physical affairs starts.