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| Wed, 09-14-2005 - 2:34pm |
All right, I'll try and keep this short. I went on a date last Friday with this guy, who I was attracted to...we went out on a second date yesterday, but I'm a little baffled because--
I asked him how his day was, and he was like, yucky, I got called into work at the last minute, and I can only be here for an hour and half, "but now I'm with you. so things are looking up". We talked for an hour and 15 minutes--actually he did most of the talking this time, and quite frankly, seemed a little distracted...and we left, but he asked me if I wanted to check out the cd store near the coffeehouse, so we walked...and on the way he was telling me his schedule for the week, which was pretty much booked solid, and he said, "...and Monday, I'm off"...to which I said, "Oh, I might have another day off Monday, but I dont' know yet!" To which he said, "Really? Maybe we can do something then?" so I said that would be great. Anyway, we talked a bit more, he walked me back to my car, and asked for a ride to his car (which was parked by the CD store, by the way!) I am also feelign confused about this whole thing because I didnt' get any physical contact from him (I had touched him a few times though), and I'm not sure what he was thinking, like, "oh, I like this girl...and want to hang out with her" or "I liek this girl, and maybe I wanna date her"....at the end of the date, he said, "Well, I'll call you, or you call me, we'll see if we can do somethign about Monday".
Several of my friends have told me: Dont' call him! Let him call you! One other friend (a guy) said, "Call him, he's testing you to see how interested you are in doign something, that's why his comment about him calling, or you calling is so ambigous")
I guess I just want to see what kinds of input or insight you guys may have.

Dear Juke,
No need to sweat this like you are. It's only been 2 dates, and you've got a pretty good shot at a 3rd, so what are you complaining about? He sounds like a nice guy, so just let things take their course. He has one of two things going through his mind: First, he's unsure of how much he likes you and wants to take things a bit slower until he figures it out. Or second, he definately likes you, so much in fact that he doesn't want to risk coming off too physical, so he's taking it slow as to make sure he doesn't scare you off. Either way it will work itself out, so don't sweat it. He will either make up his mind about you and then he'll pick up the pace or stop altogether, or if he really likes you he will eventually get up enough courage to kiss you... once he's sure you want it.
Two more things: One, don't call him, let him call you. Don't call him unless you have to for the first several dates. Second, don't show him too many of your cards yet. Dating is a little bit of a game and you don't want him to think you like him soooo much. That would scare off almost any guy. You clearly are not desperate, but you could come off that way to him if you over play your level of interest. So don't call him, but when you hear from him definately continue to act interested.
So make sure you keep a cool head and don't worry about him or his actions yet. Just let him come to you. You just keep putting out the "I'm interested" vibe, and he'll figure out what he wants, once he gets to know you a little better. Try to make sure he takes you out to dinner and something fun at night, stay away from lunch dates because lunch says friends, while dinner says lovers... generally speaking.
-Good Luck,
-MFG
No worries! I'd say with 99% certainty that this guy is interested. You played it just right on the 2nd date. You made it clear that you would be free on Monday and would like to see him. That's plenty to show him you are interested. Let him call you now. He will - don't worry.
As for the fact that he hasn't touched you yet... He may be going slow because he thinks you have girlfriend potential, and he doesn't want to blow it. Or he may be relatively inexperienced and doesn't know how to initiate it. On your next date, there are ways to show him you would welcome a kiss without actually initiating it yourself... sometimes, all it takes is to just stop talking. pause and give him intense eye contact for a long moment, especially at the end of the date.
good luck and enjoy!