what to do?
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| Sat, 05-28-2005 - 6:19am |
WOW!! I just do not know what to do here! I'll TRY to make this as short as possible. I am interested in this guy for those of you who don't know but he has been dangling me around like a fish on a hook for quite some time now. first he is interested then he's not, ya da ya da ya da but that's not the problem here the problem is one of his friends have become interested in me! The bigger problem is.....well......let me ask you all this.....have you ever had someone interested in you but it wasn't there on your end? This guy is wonderful but, for some reason the chemistry is just not there on my end AT ALL. I like him as only a friend but nothing else. He keeps coming to my house and will NOT take a hint, I do not want to hurt his feelings but I can not see myself with him romantically at all. He is more like a little brother to me. Not to mention he has a girl who just moved to Florida to live with relatives for awhile. He seems to think that they are separated but she thinks that they will hook back up when she comes back to Michigan, she is a friend of mine and it is also out of respect for her that I will not date him. that and the fact that I feel absolutely nothing for him like that.Is there a nice way to get him to quit coming around so much? He comes to my work(I work at a local restaurant) And he keeps inviting me to his house which I have declined all offers,and he follows me EVERYWHERE I go. I was at the gas station last night visiting a friend who works there on third shift and he showed up and would not leave. He followed me around like a lost little puppy. He knows that I am interested in his friend, and he is roomates with that friend. So whenever I go to see the guy I am truely interested in this guy is also there. And the guy I am interested in went away with friends for memorial day and now the guy I am NOT interested in is using it as an opportunity to be around me ALL of the time. I have told him time and time again that I will not date any of the friends of the guy I am interested in but he does not calm down at all. I just do not know what to do about him. Like I said I do not want to hurt his feelings because he is a nice guy but when is enough going to be enough? Any thoughts/advice. "Nick" I could REALLY use your input on this, you have a knack for telling it like it is. Any and all comments would be greatly appreciated. I am truely at my wits end, should I just be blunt with him and risk hurting his feelings? Hope I didn't confuse any of you with this drawn out story,if only I could get the guys I am truely interested in to act this way---LOL
Betty

"I am interested in this guy for those of you who don't know but he has been dangling me around like a fish on a hook for quite some time now. "
he's not dangling you, you're letting yourself be dangled... you're acting like a
as for the second guy -- stop being nice to him! tell him to leave you alone already and mean it. s-t-a-l-k-e-r.
how about not spending any time with either of them and moving on?
"happypets" Thanks soooo much for your honest opinion I like it when people tell me like it is and that do not sugar-coat things,but I have been moving on hun.....here is the last post from my writing about the guy I have been interested in........
"Hello everyone!
I just had a revelation!I think I am just gonna sit back,have fun,enjoy my children, and whatever happens is what happens. I have been reading through the posts and I have found a few words of wisdom *smile* quit looking and sooner or later he(whoever it may be) will find me! I have decided it is just too hard to go looking and wwwaaayyyy to nerve wracking! I have been going to a few AHEM "social gatherings" OK parties--LOL and have discovered that there are all sorts of people out there. I have also discovered what you all mean by whan men are interested you can't miss it! However I am EXTREMELY selective so I am sure it will take quite some time. But that is alright cause I am doing just fine without a man right now, Thanks for all of the input, it sure helps.
{{hugs}}
Betty"
as I said that is NOT the problem here I haven't even made an attempt to contact him in a couple of weeks now, the problem is his friend. But you are right,I DO need to quit being sooooo nice to him. I got out of work tonight and turned on my cell-phone and there was a voice mail from him that said to call him back, that was at 11:56 pm, I had just gotten home and turned on my computer and there was a knock on my door, he was standing there with a bunch of lilacs that he had picked from his yard(everyone knows that I love lilacs), this was at 12:05! So even if I had planned on calling him back he didn't even give me a chance before he was knocking on my door!
I had to come up with an excuse to get him out of my house(he was at my work again today too). I ended up telling him that I had to go down to the gas station for something and then he left when I did. I went to the gas station and talked to my friend who works there on third shift and she said that I need to get it into his head now that there is nothing that is going to happen ever before it gets worse.
I do not think that he would do anything rash but when I talked to one of my police officer friends he told me that they were going to patrol more around my house,and keep a look-out for his truck, when I asked why he just said that he has his reasons and that he has seen "it" before. What does THAT mean? I might just be living in a naive little existance but I just do not get how being nice to someone can turn into whatever my officer friend thinks it "could" turn into.
I have been in only one other relationship before in my entire life and we have separated (last October) after 10 years. So I guess I just do not understand what is happening! I was raised to be nice to people and not to treat ANYONE disrespectfully, But I was EXTREMELY uncomfortable when he showed up at the house tonight, so uncomfortable in fact that I stayed at the gas station until 4:30 am. Just to know that he should be sleeping by then and I wouldn't have to worry about him popping in, but I can not live like this either. I know I have to put things outright to him, and I know that I cannot be nice but what do I say to him?
I know I sound stupid but as I have said before, this dating/guys thing is all new to me, and I honestly do not know how to handle it, or more exact... I do not know what to say to him. Can I get him off my back without being a jerk? Or am I going to have to be straight-up and blunt about it? Please do not say what an idiot I am just help me please.....what should I say? Because we had been friends before this since he was dating my friend. I just simply do not know how to approach this.I have never been in a situation like this one.
any input is soooooooo greatly appreciated,
Betty