what do i do
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| Sun, 10-16-2005 - 3:46pm |
I am a 37 year old and never been married. Been liveing with bf for 2 years was dateing him for 2 befor that. He never wants to get married he owns his own business and made me start one 2 years ago but its not doing well and now I am stuck with a dete of over 10thousand that he cosigned for how can i get out of this without owning
I have taken care of his child like my own and when his father got sick I took care of him too. I do all his running around as well in all of this I have started my own business and now owe the bf lots of money.All he does is work, watch movies or on his computer and sleeps most of the time on the couch.
I have been with him almost 4 years liveing with him just over a year.
My friends dont come over any more because all he does when they are here is talk about work,or how much better he is then they and how much money he has or puts in a movie and doesn't talk to anyone he told me the other day that he only talked and has friends that have lots of money he thinks all my friend a useless because they dont make big bucks some of these friend I have had for over 20 years I have never been rude to any of his friends he even does this to his own Aunts Uncles and cousins
He told me he wants to build a cottage. About 5 hours from where we live now and when he retires that is where we will live. He does not want me to help pay for the land but wants me to help pay to have the cottage to be built. when he dies the cottage and land will be left to his son. What about my kids I am finley starting to get it together I was useing his trucks and he didnt want me going anywhere after 4:30pm thats when he got home from work well I went out and bought a car I had to get a loan for and now he is pissed one day he parked so could not get out I dont want to leave

I'd say this guy is taking advantage of you and to some extent you have let him. How can someone MAKE you start a business...
SO that in mind, I'd do what you can to regain your independence, stop giving to him and his family with your time and energy, and leave him. He has a different outlook than you and itprobably won't last.
The isolation you are experienceing from friends and financial dependence after only 4 years is borderline abusive. Look out for other indications that he is controlling you and isolating you.
Start by getting another job if you can. Something that will help you payback your debt. Go out with your friends if they don't like it there. He can't argue with that. If he does, he's wrong and ignore or dismiss him.
The business about the truck is nonsense, too another controll issue.
You might benefit by seeing a counsellor about the patterns that are happening.
Best of luck. Importantly, look out for yourself and remember your first responsibility is YOU!!
Ubersilly is right. It's just money, get out while you have some shred of your self worth left.
Unfotunately, you've made some bad financially choices because you thought you're sacrafices and kindness would eventually be valued and this man would eventually reward your kindness with some financially security fo your own. He hasn't and your posts gives no indication that there is any reason to hope he ever will.
Just get out while you can. Make arrangements to get a job with a stable income and start paying back what you owe.
Yeah, it's going to suck and it's going to hurt and you're going to experience a lot of anger and resentment. I've been there and done that. I helped an ex start his own business and went into debt nearly $10k to help him only to end up dumping him and then have him tell me "I don't owe you anything". To be honest it still ticks me off and it probably will for about another year or two while my husband and I pay off the debt I was foolish enough to create for a guy who wasn't 1/100th the man my husband is.
Lessons learned. It bites, but you get better and you end up stronger and wiser. Just be smarter next time and don't let a guy push you into things you aren't comfortable with and don't do things for others hoping they'll be repaid, do them because you want to and if you don't then just don't do it.