What do I do?? Puh-lease help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
What do I do?? Puh-lease help!
3
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 3:28pm
Okay I really need some advice. I just wrote a post earlier saying I wanted to send my ex a text message (i just broke up with him last friday) but i didn't end up doing it. buuut he sent me one! it was kind of ironic, but he said he wanted me to call him just to talk, nothing else...well i did and it was casual and he said he was fine with being friends, which is good. but for some reason i feel like maybe he and I are meant to be, part of me just wants to try and make things work between us, why is this happening?! i didnt think i was in love, but now I think it could happen. I have been thinking about him a lot and I really do miss him. I just want to start over with him. I told him maybe in the future we could...but right now I just need some space and "me" time to just figure things out, and I have been thinking that maybe I do want to work things out with him. Our whole relationship was really crazy, we went way too fast and spent all our time together which was a bad thing. I think that if we just start over things might work. but i am really afraid that it might not and I would just be hurting him even more and starting this whole cycle of breaking up and getting back together that I have been doing. i think i just need to give it more time, and maybe get i'll right. but now i have these thoughts in my head..i mean i was ready to move on so why is this all happening now?? we agreed that in the meantime we could talk and stuff just as friends. anyone had this happen where they were with someone and weren't in love and then went back to them and fell in love? do i just need more time? What do I do? Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 4:03pm
This is happening now because you are second-guessing yourself and grieving the end of the relationship. These are normal feelings, but they don't indicate that you are meant to be together. You broke up with him because the relationship was in trouble. What concrete steps would the two of you be planning to take (trying harder doesn't count) to work through the issues that drove you apart?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 4:02pm
I'm not sure what steps I would take...but I just know that sometimes I feel like maybe he is the one but most of the time I don't think so. I guess this is just part of the break up process...because sometimes I want to call him really bad and sometimes I think that maybe I did fall for him. But then after a while passes, I am more practical and realize that no that's not the case, that I am just thinking too much and I am just hurting right now. But please more advice!


Edited 4/7/2006 4:03 pm ET by precious2be
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 12:09am

<< Our whole relationship was really crazy, we went way too fast and spent all our time together which was a bad thing. I think that if we just start over things might work. >>

What were the reasons for your breakup? (other than, your not being sure if you were in love with him?) ... how long were you together?

If you do get back together, it's important that before doing so ... the reasons you broke up are addressed and resolved. These things don't just resolve themselves because people "miss each other" (if only it were THAT easy, ha)

Be CLEAR on what needs to change, if you do intend on getting back together.

I think you had it right in your initial post ... you just need some space to sort things out. As it is, it's only been a week, right? It's normal to be doubting yourself, doubting whether or not breaking up was the right thing to do ... normal to be missing it ... after all, as the saying goes "you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone" ... but, it's important to give yourself that time to KNOW for yourself whether it's him you miss or is it just the idea of what could have been??

Give yourself a little space and time. Which means ... NO CONTACT. Yes, it's hard ... but, it really is important if you want to figure it out without any influence from him.

As you said above, << we went way too fast and spent all our time together which was a bad thing >> ... you may just need some time apart to evaluate it. It would be just as much of a "bad thing" if you tried to jump right into being friends. A lot of people try it ... rarely does it speed up or help the process ... more often than not, it hinders the process ... because what you need is CLARITY ... and you can't get that when you're still involved ... as friends or otherwise.

Good luck!