What does he want????

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2006
What does he want????
4
Fri, 03-20-2009 - 8:58pm
I'm going to try and make this as short and sweet as possible. I dated a guy at the end of the summer of 2008 for a very short time, about 1 month. Within that time we got very close, we'd talk daily, we saw eachother about twice a week (he lived an hour away from me), and during that time he NEVER gave me any doubt about his feelings for me, told me constantly how much he cared. Well, one evening he came over to spend some time with me after work, and, I'll admit I didn't have a good day at work and instead of talking to him about it....I bullied him, tore him to shreds, made him feel horrible, kind of "nicked picked" and told him everything he was doing wrong. He was a good guy though and stuck it out with me till about 10pm that evening. The next day of course, he was very upset with me...told me he felt bullied and attacked all night...which I understand, I said I was sorry, but of course at that point the damage had been done. He already started pulling away, he was distant and cold, and by the next week he broke up with me.
Over the next few months, I tried my best to reconcile, but he was just so angry with me and the way i treated him, i just got the occasional text message saying "hey how are you?" but that was pretty much it, he barely has contact with me and refused to talk to me on the phone at all. Well, after his angry wore off...he started to come around a little bit. He'd text more often...but still no calling. He kept wanting an answer as too why I upset him so much, and if I really cared about him...why would I attack him. All valid questions and I tried my best to answer them, but trying to defend myself only through text message seemed pointless.
Over the last few months though, things are just getting frustrating. He'll text every couple of days, say he wants to seem me, flirt like mad, send pictures, and so on but nothing ever comes of it. He did tell me right before New Years that he didn't want to be with anyone he was just looking for a "hook-up". Yet in January he ended up dating someone very briefly...like about 2 weeks, then when that was over the random text message to me came back about wanting to see me, but nothing ever coming from it. Throughout this entire time....I let him come to
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Fri, 03-20-2009 - 11:50pm

Wow - so vindictive over having a bad night with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2006
Sat, 03-21-2009 - 9:28am

One more thing, in his defense...I do know that he's been screwed over and cheated on a lot by previous girlfriends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2006
Sat, 03-21-2009 - 6:19pm

Sara106,


Welcome to the board! It seems to me like he may not have been ready for a serious relationship, and you acting like that that night was a trigger, or an excuse for him to bail.


I am not sure how long you dated, but you did say it was a short time, so I am assuming at least a couple of months. During these months this is the time to get to know someone, and more often then not we put our best foot forward. It seems to me that since you displayed this type of behavior early on, he may have seen it as a sign of what is to come and didn't like what he saw. Not necessarily the right thing, but its already done.


If I were you, I would just cut him off. You aren't really losing anything, since it hasn't been that long. Don't let him continue to play these games with you. Its unfair.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Wed, 03-25-2009 - 12:12am

Regardless of how he has been treated in the past - a man who is ready for a relationship will not carry that baggage forward with him.