what does it mean?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2005
what does it mean?
5
Sun, 06-19-2005 - 2:20pm

You know, I've always wondered how people know it's "meant to be". My boyfriend of a year just broke up with me yesterday and I was positive that we were "meant to be", but why is it that he ended up saying that our relationship just isn't fun for him anymore? I know it could be because we're young--he's 21 and I'm 19, but we had talked about the idea of being married someday and both agreed that although we're not ready now, we would be someday.

Rather than breaking up, why not just say "hey, we need to do more fun stuff rather than just 'old married couple' stuff" I just don't get it...how can someone be so happy with someone and then just not be?

We had broken up once before (his doing) but got back together (also his doing)and he said that he had really thought things through and wanted to be together...but then this happens a month later.

I hate to think that if we had just met 5 years later or something that we could be happy together for a long time down the road...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 12:58am
I don't think this break up had to do with "doing fun stuff", but with him dating other women. He's 21 and you're 19, you're both very young and in time to explore the world. He might think that if he continues dating you seriously, he's missing out on some other women, fun and boring, old and young. It seems that he was not as involved as you were in the relationship. I'd try to move on. It's hard but he doesn't want a serious relationship at this moment. If at some point in the future he comes back to you, then you can decide if you want him in your life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 2:15pm
I agree, it seems he wanted something different. Not that he lied about being married but that is one day, now he is out to have fun.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2005
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 12:22am

Hi Laur,

It's not just the age. My bf and I just broke up after a year and a half. I had been married before to the wrong guy and when I met my recently exbf I thought he was "the one" I had waited for. We were in bliss, and then got comfortable. I thought it was a great way to settle in, some fun, some home time, but I guess he's still not ready to settle down just yet, even if we did do "fun" stuff. And he is in his thirties! We talked about forever too, said he'd love me forever, have a child, be step dad to my children.....His mom's take on it was he became too comfortable and is running scared. There are alot of guys like that. Maybe yours is one of them. I won't say commitmentphobic. They want that lifestyle deep down, that's why they talk about it, but just don't have the courage to go forward with it.........yet. They may marry the next girl they date a month from now! It'll happen when they are ready and all we can do it move on. Yes, it's hard when they just pull away like that.

You are young too, and there is alot to see and do yet. I married in my twenties and now wish I had dated more back then. Take this opportunity to see for yourself what is out there, and more importantly who you are.

Chances are if you two meet again in five years, you will both be SO VERY DIFFERENT people than you are now. Serendipity, if it's meant to be it will be. In the mean time, have fun! You'll heal in time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2004
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 12:38am
Hi. I agree with the others. He doesn't want a serious relationship at this time, he just wants to have fun. Let him go. If it's meant to be, you two will end up together in the future. But, I wouldn't go running after him and trying to get back together. He already broke up with you twice. That should tell you something. Do you want the pain of him doing it to you a third time? If not, then move on with your life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 4:08pm

I don't think anyone at 19 and 21 years old can realistically say they're 'meant to be' because you don't yet know who YOU are meant to be .. but, you don't quite know that yet because you're both very young adults w/out the life experience at this point to truly know who YOU are and who YOU are meant to be.

I believe that when we have our lives at a point where we've accomplished certain things that we need to do, have gone through our soul searching and 'self-defining' process ... then, we're at a point where we know who we really are and what we want/need ... then, we can say "ok, this is right for me" ... but as to whether or not we can ever truly say "it's meant to be" ... I don't think anything is predetermined or a matter of fate/destiny.