WHAT DOES SPACE MEAN

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
WHAT DOES SPACE MEAN
5
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 1:29pm

HELLO EVERYONE,

I have a question... I've been in a relationship w/my new bf for 6mths now. Things have been really good between us. Last week, was one of the roughest weeks in our relationship to boot. For starters, on Tuesday he left me outside his parents house for 30mins. I got extremely ticked, took the keys and left. We he found me I was still mad and went off on him about it. He said that his sister had gotten into trouble over the weekend and that's why it took him so long to come out of the house. So, I felt bad and apologized for my behavior. Wednesday, I kinda played a childish game on him - I had my cousin pretend to be another girl that he recently met and wanted to hook - up. After the initial phone call btwn them, he called me and told me that someone was playing on his phone. The joke went on for another 10 or 15 mins until he told me that he knew it was me, after I admitted he got extremely mad and said that I was setting him up for failure. Then he calls me at like 2 in morning and asked me to stay home from work so that we could hang out. We did for like 2 hours and then he brought me back home. Then Friday, I drunk dialed him, became emotional b/c he said that he wanted to hang out with his friends and broke up w/him. The next morning I called to apologize and we kinda talked about what had been going on. I told him tht I was sorry, and that I didn't mean to bring so much stress into our relationship and he responded that we needed some space.

He told me that he needed to focus on something else and that we would see each other on Sunday. We did, but he seemed so distant. He sat at the opposite end of the couch, he really didn't have much to say, and then he went to sleep w/out even trying to have sex w/me. he said that he had been out all weekend with his friends and that he was extremely tired. Not pressing the issue, I didn't ask him any questions about his behavior - I just simply took his word for it and left it at that.

We talked a little yesterday and he said that he would call me when he got off work - he never did and I didn't try to call him. He still has not called me today and he usually would have sent a text or something but nothing.

So, what should i do? I know I have to wait until he calls me but when he does call should I ask him if he still has unresolved issues from last week? Should I be happy that he called and ignore his current behavior? Or is his current behavior a result of my actions? Does space mean he wants to break-up?

Thanks for your comments.
E.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 1:47pm

I think he's trying to tell you that the stuff you've been doing has pissed him off. I think you need to face the facts and move on from this guy. If he's that distance and not returning your phone calls, you need to confront him face to face and in a place where he can't run away...ask him to spell it out for you completely... whether you want to hear it or not. Keep in mind that anything he says to you, be prepared for the fact that it's over. Just understand that he may not able able to say everything he wants to at that time, make it clear of your feelings, and wish him luck in life, and then cut things off right then and there.

Trust me, I know it's about the hardest thing that a girl can do to someone they care about and love. But think about it this way...do you want to put up with someone like that who doesn't call you when he says he will, and do you want to feel upset all the time by his actions.

Keep in mind that you broke up with him, DO NOT EXPECT him to call you, and don't bother to have any contact with him, that will only push him away more, in fact try to forget about him and move on.

I broke up with my ex, then a few days later he said he needed space too, hopefully in time we will be able to talk to each other on good terms and be friends, but that wont be for a while. If you are truely to be friends...give it time...give him space, and try to end things peacefully and kindly, he will appreciate you for that down the road...and it will make you feel better too :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2006
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 2:46pm

Hold on here. Running from relationship because you had a rough week, and the guy is acting out his frustrations is NOT the answer. If people ran every time they hit a rough spot then NO ONE would remain married or in relationships.

Take the time to talk to him about what's going on. Apologize for your behavior, and let him know what you were thinking, and feeling and see what he says. Go based off that not, not what he's doing or not doing. Sometimes people forget to call...it happens, we are all human and get wrapped up in things and whoops...I was supposed to call so-and-so an hour ago. Mistakes happen.

I wouldn't say this stuff if this seemed to be a pattern here, but from what you are saying in this post you've been together for six months and things have been pretty good. Awesome for you, most people don't have that. Every couple hits a rough patch here and there and they BOTH have to work on it in order to make things work.

Relationship are about compromise, talking/openeness, and forgiveness, not running at the sight of trouble.

Now none of what I said was meant as an attack just a very animated response to seeing over the time of being here....the last time, and now...that alot of people say to get out of a relationship because the road gets rocky. I just don't understand that, at least not if everything seems to be ok otherwise...if this were a pattern and your guy was a jerk all the time, or always treated you like dirt then yes, get out....but this doesn't seem to be the case.

Hope no one was offended by what I said, I am just sharing my opinion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 4:26pm

I don't know what others have replied with, but here's my two cents.

"So, what should i do?"

I suggest you go to him (because really this should be said in person) and appologise for being an immature childish fool. Then tell him why you are punishing and pushing him away like this. Of course to do that you've got to figure out why you are being annoyingly childish. You've got to have a brutally honest gut check with yourself.

"Or is his current behavior a result of my actions?"

Yes of course.

"Does space mean he wants to break-up?"

Space means he's taking a step back to see if you are the type of girl he wants a relationship with. One who would play these manipulative games with him, he's gotten a glimps of your not so pretty side, and he doesn't like it, and needs to evaluate whether you're the right girl for him.

p.s. Just a suggestion for the answer to the question you need to answer about yourself. Could you be acting this way trying to push him away to test him? It's like, if he passes, and doesn't allow you to push him away, then he must love you because he's willing to stick around and put up with your poo. If he doesn't then, well, then he's just another disappointing man in your life that you can't depend on. Am I getting close??

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2005
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 4:46pm
Wow, well you don't have to WAIT for him to call you and to keep playing a game too. I feel like you obviously have some trust issue if you had to try and set him up to fail. That is a serious indication of a failing relationship. Why "test" him, cause you want/expect him to fail. You might as well just walk away now or stand up to him, tell him what the real deal is that you are feeling is wrong and ask him why he so badly wants space instead of working things out. I feel like "space" is just ignoring hte problem and waiting for it to just go away, instead of staying together and working on the issue and moving on, cause if you just use space to fix it, then the problem will continue to haunt you in your relationship always.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 9:29pm

I'll be honest, if someone was playing these little games with me, I'd have dumped them immediately.

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