What gives?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2006
What gives?
11
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 9:29pm

So why is it that when one person posts about her insecurities in her new relationship or "newer" relationship she is supported and told to talk to her man about it, but when another person posts about it she is told to go to counseling. It was almos the same thing about the relationship but WAY different responses.

What gives?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2006
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 12:53am

All good insights. I guess I didn't look at it from that angle.

Just for a follow up to my orginial posting.....

Friday night J came over and he cooked this awesome taco salad. He invented it when he was with his ex, and she lives like around the corner from me so he was joking about calling her and asking if she can smell the taco salad. I started to get upset...I accept that he had ex's and I don't have a major problem with him talking to them but going on and on and on about them bugs me. We talked about that, he admitted that me talking about my ex bothered him too. I ate a bit more and then just sat there, tears streaming down my face....he sat behind me (we were on the floor in the living room) and wrapped his arms around me asking what was wrong. I blurted out "he screwed me up soooo bad" and cried and cried.

We talked for a while about everything, my house-keeping concerns, my past with P, and how I feel when I feel when he avoids talking about our future. He said that he doesn't care about my house keeping skills, or cooking skills, or anything else like that...that he loves me for my open heart, my un-conditional love of him, my support, my smile, my eyes, my hair, my crazy sense of humor....etc. He also said that in response to our future, he can see himself marrying me....at least from what he knows of me now. He sees us together for a long time. We talked about looking for a place out a little ways out in the country sometime within the next year, getting married in three years, and having a kid in five. We got a bit ahead of ourselves but it was fun dreaming and realizing we want a lot of the same things.

I have done counseling and as I've stated the reason I stayed with the abusive man is because in reality I didn't realize to what extent he was abusing me, or what kind of a toll it was taking on me. I have talked with friends, family and my pastor about this, about what kind of toll it's taken on my relationship with J. I'm working on things. I've been told by my pastor that even with counseling these doubts may still crop up now and again and that it's good that I realize that it wasn't me with the problem in the last relationship but rather him.

I spent most the afternoon with J and just had a great time. We hung out at his place and just watched tv and snuggled. I think we will be ok. We do need to talk some things out before we move in together but I think we are on the same wave length as far as the major major things go....ie. kids, marriage expectations, religion, and health.

Thanks to all those that posted and responded. I appreciate it.

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