What if this... What if that...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2004
What if this... What if that...
Wed, 05-26-2010 - 11:34am

So my b/f and I broke up now 7 months ago. He broke up with me b/c he couldn't handle the distance thing. We live a thousand miles away from each other and met at a summer camp. He wasn't able to find a steady job afterward and that made him feel very uneasy about our relationship so he broke up with me.

Afterward we would talk on rare occasions though I told him to please leave me alone for a while so that I could digest this. We didn't talk for about a month. He went back to his ex for a few days and then broke up with her. Afterward he started doing stuff that made me believe that he wanted to get back together. He would send me messages reminding me of our relationship and then on valentine's day he sent me a special message. I felt as though he was not wanting me to move on so he would do these things but he wouldn't mention anything about getting back together. I finally just told him to leave me alone for a while b/c I was getting confused. He did for a few weeks and then he sent me a message saying he finally got a job. Which I didn't know if that was him just trying to say that now we could be together or if he was just telling me he got a job. I just congratulated him and wished him the best. Afterward our conversations have slowly begun to dwindle out.

I for a while there was determined to move on and I tried thinking about other guys. I even considered dating this guy who had been pursuing me but he gave me the creeps so I didn't. But I thought b/c I was thinking about other guys this meant that I was moving. I was thinking about my ex less and less. But out of nowhere all my feelings for my ex came flooding back in. They were different feelings though. I felt as though I had gone back in time and we were at the beginning again before either one of us knew how we felt about each other.

I know he's been talking to other girls which I feel like is good in a way but of course I get jealous. I feel like that's inevitable.

I'm not really sure what to do anymore. I tried writing out a list after we broke up of reasons why I would and wouldn't want to be with him. I've gone back to this list many times and it still remains the same. The only bad things were that I felt he was immature at times and of course the distance thing. We always got along well and we joked around about things. We always had good conversations about everything and anything you could think of. Our passion level was so high that when we were together we wouldn't realize that we were hurting each other some how meaning we would end up with bruises in the most random of places. I remember one time he banged his head on the headboard one night and neither one of us noticed until I realized he had a gash on his forehead and was bleeding. His parents liked me and my parents liked him. I could keep going but I think you get the picture.

I know there isn't any special cure you guys could give me but maybe some helpful words or advice please. Thanks!