What should I do???!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2003
What should I do???!!
2
Sun, 06-05-2005 - 11:59pm

Hi...I'm sort of new to this board- I posted awhile ago about a guy I was seeing though. We met last July and I automatically felt like he was the right person for me... however I was a senior in college so when I went back upstate to school we didn't talk so much, even though we would see each other when I came home. When I came home for Christmas break everything seemed normal (we weren't in a serious relationship but he definitely seemed to still be interested in me and cared about me)... however once I went back to school for my last semester he never returned my calls. I called 3 times and he never called back so I read the book "hes just not that into you" and I tried to move on...

That was in February and I'm still not even close to being OVER him... I have been seeing a different guy for almost 2 months now but its not serious at all and I don't think it ever will be...but since I'm only 21 I figured I'd give it more of a chance before I end things (just incase I'm wrong-I tend to be)

So last week I went to a reeeally crowded club and I saw guy #1... at first I ran back to where I had been dancing because I didnt know what to say to the guy I was in love with who just stopped calling me- then later on in the night we made eye contact but I turned around and pretended I didn't see him... Well tonight I was busy helping my mom clean the house and I didn't hear my phone ring- about an hour later I saw that guy #1 called me... I almost died of shock!!! I would be sooo happy if things just went back to the way we were but I'm too anxious to call him back...

How long do u think I should wait to call him?? Should I even call him at all?? If he wants to go back to the way things were should I just go with it and stop seeing guy #2??
Thanks to anyone who responds :) ...I just needed to get this off my chest and get opinions from people who were never directly involved in the situation.

~Shnorkels

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Mon, 06-06-2005 - 1:40am

Hi Shnorkels,

I don't like all the game playing that dating tends to entail so be true to yourself and call him when you feel like it. If you feel like calling him right after seeing his number on the caller ID then you should do it and ignore others who say that you MUST wait at least 4 days or else you'll seem desperate! Since that's crap...:OP.

Basically, I think that you should stop seeing guy #2, not only because you're not that into him, but also because you never fully got over guy #1. It's not fair to you or guy #2 to continue seeing eachother as you're only leading him on...and you seem to be leading yourself on as you think you might fall for him eventually.

Just let things be between you and guy #2, at least until you're fully over guy #1. That way if you decide to start seeing guy #2 again, you can go into the relationship with a fresh perspective on things -and not compare him to guy #1 as much ;O).

Now regarding guy #1, I believe that he called because he saw you at the club that night and wanted to catch up. It may end up being nothing, or you could end up hitting it off once again; it really depends on what he's looking for as well as what you would actually want for yourself right now.

Did you ever think that maybe there wasn't as much between you as you thought? he may have been going through some major issue that inhibited him from calling you at the time, but does that really matter? Even if something came up, could he not have called you at some point because HE wanted to? I think that you should find out what happened -in a nice, gentle fashion of course;O)-, as he was someone who meant a lot to you, and it would be nice to know why it ended the way it did, right?

Basically I think that you should contact him when you're good and ready, and see where things go. But, don't get stuck in an endless infatuation with him. If things don't work out then you should be happy that you are still young, and have many more years to find the one for you :O).

Hope all is well,
Yvy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
Mon, 06-06-2005 - 11:54am

I think you should end things with guy #2 regardless of whether or not you go back to guy #1. Ordinarily, I'd say there's nothing with casually dating somebody for a couple of months and giving things a chance to develop. It can have it's advantages over a relationship where there is a lot of passion right from the get-go. However, in this case, I don't really think things would have a chance to develop anyway while you're still so into the first guy. I don't think you should be dating this guy or anybody else while you're still so caught up in the first guy.

As for the first guy, I hate to say it, but this one truly does sound like it's most likely a case of he's not that into you. If he was as interested in you as you were in him, then you would think he would have wanted to return your calls. I mean I'm pretty sure you would have returned his calls if the situation were reversed, wouldn't you?

When he made this last call, did he leave you a message, or did you just see his number on your caller i.d.? If he couldn't even leave a message, I think you may just want to forget about him unless he calls back and tries to leave one again. I mean you'd think if he was really interested, he'd either leave you a message or keep trying until he got a hold of you.

If he left a message, then I'd call back and see what he wants. But if you guys end up getting back together, I'd just say to be on the lookout and make sure that it's not a situation where you're much more into the relationship than he is.